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():school humor (1428): High School Reunion


Posted by Devil of Heaven alright not funny but I'm a great critic on 14-Aug-2005

High School Reunion

I just returned from my fiftieth high school reunion. The Romans of Los Angeles Hi. Class of '48. The Marina Marriott was packed. Everyone was there.

We had changed little since we had last met ten years ago. Oh, we had aged a little. But there was no real change. We spent most of the time reminiscing on the good times we had during our high school days. What most of us remembered most vividly was the semester we were offered a class in Accounting.

This was an innovative experimental class that had never been tried before. And because of us, it has never been offered again. You see we were very independent teen-agers in those post-war days. We were interested in ideals about equality and the future, not in accounting.

... So we rapidly lost our interest and attacked the principal.
   

4 people have rated this joke:
2.50/10
     

():school humor (1428): OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE


Posted by Audrey Osterman on 12-Aug-2005

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?

Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.

The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not were rowing.

To prevent losing to the Japanese again, the American Team's management structure was totally reorganized to three Steering Director, three Steering Managers, and two Steering Supervisors. Also a new performance system for the person rowing the boat was developed to give more incentive to work harder.

"We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it."

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower to "cut costs, sold all of the paddles, canceled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, gave a "Superior Performance" award to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
   

3 people have rated this joke:
2.33/10
     

():school humor (1428): Omelette


Posted by URBANDEVIL on 08-Aug-2005

Omelette

The teacher came into the class one day and said, "Students, today's assignment is to make a sentence using the word 'Omelette'".

I volunteered and said "That dude cussed me out but omelette it go instead of fighting about it!"
   

3 people have rated this joke:
2.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): English Language


Posted by Leland W. Hack on 12-Aug-2005

English Language

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetraian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the sanme, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite alot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
   

1 people have rated this joke:
2.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): Not interested!


Posted by Renzo G. Cafferata on 13-Aug-2005
Not interested!
Q: what do you call a person who keeps talking when noone is listening?
A: a teacher!
   

1 people have rated this joke:
2.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): Big hands


Posted by Ken Jackowitz on 10-Aug-2005
Big hands
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,
what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
   

3 people have rated this joke:
1.67/10
     

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