|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Spinner_D on 09-Aug-2005 | HOCKEYA HOCKEY PUCK IS SHOT A HITS ME MOM DAD AND HITS THIS KID AND HE GOS HEY MAN I GO HEY WHAT HAPPENED HE GO O NUTS I GO WHAT HE GO U LIKE PUCKS IN UR NUTS.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lisa M. Allen on 09-Aug-2005 | Cat QuotesDo not meddle in the affairs of cats,for they are subtle and will pee on your computer."
--Bruce Graham
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
--Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
--Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
--Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
--English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
--Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another."
--Ernest Hemingway
"Dogs come when they're called;cats take a message and get back to you later."
--Mary Bly
"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life."
--Faith Resnick
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
--Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life."
--Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
--Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
--Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
--Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
--Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
--Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
--Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
--Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."
--Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."
-Joseph Wood Krutch
"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic."
"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."
"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Washington hotelthis man and his wife were vacationing in Washington D.C. . they checked into a hotel and was getting ready to settle in for the night his wife being the natural worrier she was said honey I've heard that a lot of these hotel's here in Washington are bugged because a lot of politician's stay in them, so i would feel better if you would just check this place out. the man decided to humor his wife so that she would be more comfortable and they both could get some sleep. he started looking under the bed and all the furniture, he even checked the lamp shade's, he finally went over and rolled a corner of the carpet back, and sure enough, there was a weird gadget screwed into the floor. he unscrewed it from the floor and examined it and said i don't know if it's a bug or not, but it's definitely history, and he flushed it down the toilet with that, his wife seemed to be appeased so they went to bed and got a good night's sleep. the next morning when they were checking out, the hotel manager ask, did you enjoy your stay at our fine hotel? the man and woman both agreed that they did, and they got a good night's sleep. the hotel manager said well i wish could say that for the people in the room down below you. the man and woman said why, what happened? the hotel manager said a chandelier fell on them last night.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mark Kinder on 09-Aug-2005 | fast dogthis man is driving down the road in his new car, and he see's an old man trying to thumb a ride, and the old man has a dog with him. he feels sorry for the old man, so he pulls over and roll's the window down and says to the old man, hey buddy i can give you a ride, but i cant put a dog in this new car. the old man says, oh thats no problem, the dog will keep up with us. the man thinks to himself yea right, and they take off. he gets up to forty mph. and looks over at the old man and says, hows the dog doing? the old man says he's right here by the door. so he speeds up to sixty mph. and says hows the dog doing? the old man says he's still here by the door. the man speeds up to ninty mph. and says hows the dog doing now? the old man says, he's still here by the door the man slams on the brakes and comes to a sliding halt, and says theres no way that dog is still there, he runs around to the other side of the car, and sure enough the dog is still there. the man says, my gosh he really is there, but whats that ring around his neck? the old man says, well he's never stopped that fast before, that's his butt hole.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by roshan on 09-Aug-2005 | midget in distressa midget lady goes to the doctor and says, doc, i don't know what is wrong but my crotch area is getting so sore that i cant hardly walk anymore. the doctor said OK lay down on the table here and I'll see what i can do. the doctor examined her and got his knife and cut on something for a little bit, and finally said OK stand up and walk a cross the room and back. The midget lady walked a cross the room and back, and she said hey my crotch don't hurt anymore, what did you do doc? The doctor said, I just cut about an inch off the top of your boots.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by NeRo S. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | McDonaldsyo mamma is like McDonlds Billions served!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
