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| Posted by miss u.s.a on 14-Aug-2005 | Honest AbeQUOTE:"I freed who?!!"
Abe Lincoln waking up with a hangover.
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():funny quotes (263): It is not true that life is one damn thing... |
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| Posted by jarmo two on 07-Aug-2005 | It is not true that life is one damn thing...It is not true that life is one damn thing after another.
It's one damn thing over and over.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
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():funny quotes (263): 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain |
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| Posted by frick frack on 13-Aug-2005 | 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain: 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain:
1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
4. What's another word for synonym?
5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do: 'practice'?
6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
8. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?
9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
10. Why do they report power outages on TV?
11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
12. Is it possible to be totally partial?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
20. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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| Posted by Tommy Fischer on 14-Aug-2005 | Another Steven Wright QuoteI'm having amnesia and de ja vu at the same time. Now I'm
forgetting things all over again.
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| Posted by Awkward on 14-Aug-2005 | More truths...Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to
look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it
is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. -Dorothy Parker
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment
is due.
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need
baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and
wonder what else you can do while you're down there
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