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| Posted by Briman B. Briman on 14-Aug-2005 | Horse FarmThis guy owns a horse farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this
midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. I'm sending him
over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and
shows him the eyes.
"Ok, what about her earth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks
up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat." With that, the owner picks up
the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like
to thee her run!"
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| Posted by kristin n. marek on 14-Aug-2005 | CoyotesThis woman is driving into a small town and slams on the
brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just
as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy
runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind
legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and
drives into town to find the local law.
She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town
bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first
thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard
sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff
who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into
town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal...
and then... I come in here.... and see this old man in the
corner jacking-off right in public!?"
"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "You don't expect
him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
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| Posted by *DevilGrl* on 14-Aug-2005 | Elephant and Cherry TreeHow do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint his balls red!
Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
A girafe eating cherrys.
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| Posted by ammooni on 14-Aug-2005 | Explorer's New TransplantsAn explorer was flying over Africa and his plane crashed.
Luckily a witch doctor came and found him and brought him back
to his village. When the explorer became conscious again the
witch docter told the explorer, "I have some good news and some
bad news." So the explorer says, "Well, whats the bad news?"
"The bad news is that in the plane crash you lost your eye, your
arm, and your dingy." The explorer asks, "Whats the good news?"
"I am a animal transplanter and when you were unconscious I
trasplanted animal parts to you." The explorer asks, "Is there
any way I can thank you???" "Just check in with me in 2 weeks."
When the explorer goes back to see the witch docter he says, "I
love this eye I can see a sparrow scratching his ass 40 yards
away!! what is it???" "That eye would be an eagle eye." "Oh I
love it. And this arm I can lift a car with this arm!!! What is
it???" "That's a gorilla arm." "I like this one too. There is
only one thing wrong about the dingy you gave me." "Well what
seems to be the problem?" "You see, I love it, the ladies love
it, but it keeps shoving grass up my ass?? What is it???" "That
would be an elephant trunk."
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| Posted by Serena Zold on 14-Aug-2005 | The Mightiest of Jungle animalsThere was this tiger who woke up one morning and just felt great. He felt
so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him, "Who
is the mightiest of all the jungle animals?!" And this poor quaking little
monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."
A little while later, this tiger confronts a deer and just bellows out,
"Who is the greatest and strongest of all the jungle animals?!" The deer
is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to stammer, "Oh great
tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant that was quietly
munching on some weeds and roared at the top of his voice, "Who is the
mightiest of all the animals in the jungle?!" This elephant grabs the
tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down, picks him up again,
and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of orange and black, and
finally throws him violently into a nearby tree. The tiger staggers to his
feet and looks at the elephant and says, "Man, just because you don't know
the answer, you don't have to get so angry!"
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| Posted by meryl m. clewett on 14-Aug-2005 | The GerbilThis guy named Bob walked into a bar with a frog and a gerbil. The
bartender, who was curious of why he had such odd pets with him decided to
ask about it. The guy replied "that his animals had special talents and
could not leave them at home." So, the bartender, who was now even more
curious then before, wanted to know what they did, so of course he asked.
Bob then whipped out a miniature piano. He sat the Gerbil down next to the
piano and the little thing started playing. After a few measures, the frog
starts singing to the tune.
The man that was sitting next to the guy said that he would pay Bob $500
for that frog.
Without thought, the man gave the frog to the man.
As Bob was counting his money, the bartender asked why he sold such a
thing. To which Bob replied "it is okay, the Gerbil is a ventriloquist"
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