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| Posted by Joseph E. Pennisi on 08-Aug-2005 | Horse SenseAn out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.
Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull."
Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger."
Still, Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard."
Benny just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said,
"Okay, Benny, pull."
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."
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| Posted by kelly a. waever on 08-Aug-2005 | Hungry RoosterA Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive restaurant and a really rich sheik gets out from it followed by a harem of women, and a rooster. The "party" is escorted to a table and given a menu.
When time to order the sheik orders for himself and the harem, and also asks for a basket of apples for the rooster. The waiter thinks it a bit strange, but does as is asked, and brings the apples for the rooster. One by one, the rooster eats all of the apples. Having
noticed this, the sheik orders another basket of apples for the rooster. Again the rooster eats all the apples.
When summoned again, the waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.
The sheik explains:
"I was in the desert one day and found a lamp.
It was a bit dirty so I rubbed it to clean it.
Just as I did, out came a Genie and granted me three wishes...
My first wish was to have an endless supply of money.
My second wish was to have many beatiful women.
And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock!"
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| Posted by Amanda Ciaramella on 08-Aug-2005 | Gorilla CaptureAs he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains
the plan:
- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;
- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;
- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;
- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...
Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?
"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever, It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat,
Shoot the dog...
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| Posted by Dan B. Jamison on 08-Aug-2005 | Horny MouseOne night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
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| Posted by Homie G. Funk on 08-Aug-2005 | Bear and SquirrelDeep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?"
"Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
"Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.
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| Posted by dawn whispers on 08-Aug-2005 | The Three MolesThere was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage.
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"
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