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():top list jokes (540): How Chinese People name their kids


Posted by Matt Der on 08-Aug-2005

How Chinese People name their kids

How do chinese people name their kids?
Throw a fork at the wall and name their kid after the sound.
   

30 people have rated this joke:
3.03/10
     

():top list jokes (540): Yo Family's so...


Posted by Michael D. Marchand on 13-Aug-2005

Yo Family's so...

Yo Mama So Fat....
...she fell in love and she broke it
...she jumped on a scale and it said "to be continued"
...she jumped on a scale and it said "one at a time please"
...she jumped on a dollar and got four quarters
...she's got her own area code
...her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is just as big
...when God said let there be light, he told her to move her ass over
...she smokes a turkey after sex


Yo Mama's so old...
...she was in Jesus's yearbook
...when God said let there be light, she flipped the switch
...her driver's license number is one


Yo Family's So Poor...
...your house has a kickstand
...you have to go home and take off your clothes so your father has pants to go to work


Yo Dad's So Bald...
...he reaches into his pants just to run his fingers through his hair


Yo House is so Nasty...
...the roaches wear shoes
...you wipe your feet before going out


Yo Mama's So Stupid...
...she thought a quarterback is a refund
...I gave a penny for her thoughts and got change back
   

3 people have rated this joke:
3.00/10
     

():top list jokes (540): Fun to do during an exam


Posted by Cher_94 on 09-Aug-2005

Fun to do during an exam

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
   

3 people have rated this joke:
2.33/10
     

():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings


Posted by bruny on 14-Aug-2005

The Top 15 Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings

15. My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.

14. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

13. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.

12. I picked up this card from a slim selection But that's all they offer here in witness protection. Love, J. Doe

11. I've waited so long for you to be mine. Now that Sinatra's dead, be *my* Valentine.

10. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.

9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.

8. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?

7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!

6. Hey.

5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.

4. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.

3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.

2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand So I won't be a self-made man.

1. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!


[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
   

1 people have rated this joke:
2.00/10
     

():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made


Posted by Caleb J. Pering on 14-Aug-2005
The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made
15> Put out a plate of Girl Scout cookies at her 11th birthday party, then told everyone she'd spent all morning baking.

14> Failed to have her people whack Cybill Shepherd before she could star in that terrible NBC biopic.

13> Dressed a 7-Eleven hot dog with Grey Poupon and mango salsa.

12> Didn't use the melon baller on her weaselly little stockbroker when she had the chance.

11> Tarragon in bouillabaisse? ARE YOU *MAD*, WOMAN?!?

10> On one occasion, in a momentary lapse, allowed her cold stare to rise to above 32 degrees.

9> Dedicated an entire show to sphincter-tightening exercises.

8> The Danvers Opening was expected, but then attempting to transform it into a Gunderam Attack was just suicide!

7> Sent a congratulatory case of champagne to Sammy Sosa when he hit his 500th home run.

6> Once disciplined staff with a white garotte after Labor Day.

5> Forgot that it's red wine with illegal stock trading, white wine with accounting fraud.

4> Giant floral centerpiece on her dining room table is made entirely of old, unpaid parking citations.

3> Accidentally voted for Buchanan in '00.

2> Spent many wasted years pining away for Richard Chamberlain.

1> Wore a camouflage dress to her high school prom.



[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

   

3 people have rated this joke:
1.67/10
     

():top list jokes (540): The Top 13 Signs You Were Switched at Birth


Posted by Murph J. Smith on 14-Aug-2005
The Top 13 Signs You Were Switched at Birth
13. You don't look anything like Mary and Joseph.

12. No one else in the family is white, except for Uncle Jacko and his wife.

11. Unlike everyone else in your backwoods, redneck, trailer-park family, it is your ambition to become the President of the United States.

10. No one else in your nomadic tribe seems to share your love of collecting Beanie Babies.

9. The way your dad always says, "Aye, you've a bonney wee Afro, m'lad."

8. You think Kathie Lee's REAL children would have to turn out 200 blouses per hour?

7. Your dad: astronomy professor at M.I.T.
You: Almost starved to death when you got a cue ball stuck in your mouth.

6. Your family celebrates your graduation from high school by butcherin' a hog and tappin' the still.

5. Sober, monogamous, and a Kennedy? Hmmm...

4. Your dad, Mr. Hawking, shows little if any enthusiasm for your burgeoning career as a pro wrestler.

3. You bear an uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States, but hell, so do a lot of kids in Arkansas.

2. Your brothers, Alec, Billy, Daniel and Steven, also work in film, but you're the one who manages a Fotomat.

1. You: All-State linebacker Your father: President of Microsoft
   

4 people have rated this joke:
1.25/10
     

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