|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Choclette Sauce on 08-Aug-2005 | how do you?Q.how do you fit an elephant into a subway? A.take the s away from sub and the f away from way
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
():crazy jokes (57): why did jesus stop.................. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Patrick Gaspar on 08-Aug-2005 | why did jesus stop..................why did jesus stop playing HoCkEy???...........................................cuz he kept getting nalied to the BoArDsssss!!
(and for all you religous people i didnt mean to affend you)
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by T.J on 08-Aug-2005 | Daddy's jobA grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mahildabob Millicent on 11-Aug-2005 | First GraderA first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can
go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some
questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?
"Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not
have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,
okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When
you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():crazy jokes (57): "Doctor, How Can I Fix My Problem?" |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Loreeen on 08-Aug-2005 | "Doctor, How Can I Fix My Problem?"There was once a man who could not get his penis up.
His wife was sad. They had no fun,
So one day the man went to the doctors
to get a perscription for his problem.
"We don't like to just give drugs out" the doctor said.
"I want you to try something and if it doesn't work come back."
"What?" the man asked.
"When your wife is asleep,
Stick your finger in her pussy
and sniff your fingers."
"Do you think it will really work?"
The doctor was sure.
So, the next night when his wife lay next to him in bed,
he did what the doctor said.
He sniffed those fingers and found them to be good.
He realized it worked, he realized he could.
"Honey, Honey!!" he called. "Wake up!"
With a grunt she turned on the light,
looked her husband in the face, and said
"You woke me to tell me you have a nose bleed!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Noppong Suwanvet on 11-Aug-2005 | Suck it in, mirror!Once there was a mirror that sucked people into it if they lied. So this brunette walked up to it and said, "I think I am the most beautiful person in the whole world . . ." and it sucked her in. Then a redhead walked up to it and said, "I think I am the most wonderful person in the whole world . . ." and it sucked her in too. Then a blonde walked up to it and said, "I think . . " and it sucked her in.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
