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| Posted by Renee Schwartz on 08-Aug-2005 | how to be a respected citizenthere was a guy that went to alaska and asked the man at the border how to be a respected citizen and he said "first you must drink a bottle of wiskey without moving an eyelash, then kill a polar bear, and last you must make love to an alaskan women" and the man said "i'll drink the wiskey first" and did without moving an eyelash. then asked the man where to find the polar bear and the man said "on the outside of town." so he toke of and about an hour later came back all scratched bloody and his hair all matted and said "wow, that was tough!now where do i kill the alaskan lady?!"
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| Posted by Minty Fresh on 08-Aug-2005 | How to annoy your coworkersA guy walks into a construction site, sets down his football bat, and orders a beer. The flamingo looks at him and says, "I'll bet you $5.00 that you can't stand on your own neck."
The guy replies, "Well, if you're out of grilled cheese, then I don't do pianos!"
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| Posted by Jocky on 08-Aug-2005 | Iowa SuckzThree guys are riding horses.
1 Minnesota man, 1 Iowa man, and 1 Texas man.
Along the way the guy from texas takes out a bottle of wine, takes 1 sip throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.
The Iowa horseman asked, "Whatchya doin' that fer, thaz good stuff!?!"
The Texan replies, "Well we got plenty of that where I come from."
Later on the Iowa horseman takes out a bottle of whiskey, takes 1 sip, throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.
And the Minnesotan asked, "Why the hell'd you do that?!?! That's reeeeaaaalll good stuff!"
And the Iowa guy replies, "Oh we got plenty of that where I come from."
So the Minnesotan takes out a can of beer, slams it, shoots the guy from Iowa, and the Texan asked, "Why in the name of the holy father did you do that!?!?!"
The minnesotan replied, "We got plenty of them where i come from!"
(This won't be as funny if you're not from the great state of Minnesota."
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| Posted by Stalker on 08-Aug-2005 | You're so poor jokeYou're so poor you can't afford a boner.
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| Posted by Joe Mama on 08-Aug-2005 | OceansWhat did the Pacific ocean so to the Atlantic ocean?
They didn't say anything... they just waved.
jokes
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| Posted by Jase A. Bryant on 11-Aug-2005 | Solutions For An Insane WorldProblem: World Hunger
Solution: Chop up some of the hungry people and feed them to other hungry people until no one is hungry anymore.
Problem: World Peace
Solution: Remove all the humans from the planet.
Problem: Poverty
Solution: Give the poor people the job of chopping up the hungry people and pay them.
Problem: People Leaching Welfare (CANADA)
Solution: Chop them up with the hungry people.
Problem: War
Solution: Create a new law so that for every person you kill, you loose a limb. Bullets and firearms will be sold to you, but at the price of a limb. When you die, your firearms will be cremated with you.
Problem: Injustice
Solution: This will never be solved, because no matter how fair something may be, some damn whiner will bitch about it and come up with some lame excuse as to why it is unfair.
Problem: Over Population
Solution: Sterilize the population.
Problem: Nuclear Weapons
Solution: Dismantle them and send them into space. If we ever need them to blow up an asteroid, then put them together again.
Problem: Aliens Stealing DNA Samples
Solution: Start shooting DNA into space to save the aliens the trip... and us the probing.
Problem: Washing Machine & Dryer Stealing Socks
Solution: Take them into the fields and shoot them along with the designers.
Problem: Stupid People
Solution: Kill them. Only I get to decide who lives.
Problem: Bad Parents
Solution: Parents must pass a test administered by me. If they fail, they get sterilized until they pass the test. If you fail twice, you stay sterilized for 5 years.
Problem: Animal Abuse
Solution: Kill the person doing it. I get to kill them.
Problem: Space Junk Floating AroundSolution: Make a giant pool skimmer and clean the place up! How can we possibly have company over when the place is a mess?
Problem: Stupid Teenage Female Puppet Singers (Like Brittany Spears)
Solution: Pump up their fake boobs until they explode or fuck them up the ass real hard until they bleed to death. Tape it as well so I can piss myself laughing.
Problem: Dumbass All Boy Bands Who All Sound The Same
Solution: Force them to do their little dance routines for months, or until they collapse. If that doesn't work, then fuck them up the ass real hard until they bleed to death. Then shoot them and tape it for me.
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