|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by aSiAnIcEcUbE on 14-Aug-2005 | Husband Quotes1. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like
to interrupt her.
2. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding
ring, and suffering.
3. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on
the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
4. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God
created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then,
neither God nor man has rested.
5. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
6. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About
5 drinks.
7. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping
on Grafton Street and said "I haven't eaten anything in
four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I
had your willpower."
8. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
9. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her." Dad: "That happens in every country, son!"
10. A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: WIFE WANTED.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing: YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
11. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
12. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
13. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to
get laundry done for free.
14. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
15. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
16. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
17. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't
know son, I'm still paying!"
18. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
name was "Always."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Amanda L. Trella on 14-Aug-2005 | QuizThis quiz has been around since we were kids. Remember the
answers?
1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where
should the survivors be buried?
2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark?
3. How many months have 28 days?
4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?
5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?
6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?
7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile
east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to
arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?
8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg
roll to the left side or to the right side?
9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66
miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35
miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?
10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers?
ANSWERS:
1. You don't bury survivors.
2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did.
3. All twelve of them.
4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods.
5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC.
6. One (spiraling) on each side.
7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is
white.
8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do.
9. Electric trains don't blow smoke.
10. The outside.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():funny quotes (263): "If you ever see me getting beaten by the... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Star Shooter on 07-Aug-2005 | "If you ever see me getting beaten by the..."If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video
camera and come help me."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():funny quotes (263): "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jessica C on 07-Aug-2005 | "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching..."Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
- Paul Rodriguez
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():funny quotes (263): I learned to put the [toilet] seat down...... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by pete imaman on 07-Aug-2005 | I learned to put the [toilet] seat down......I learned to put the [toilet] seat down...
it makes you look like a warm, caring, sensitive human being.
- Ralph Noble
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():funny quotes (263): "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Scavenger. on 07-Aug-2005 | "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or..."What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is
being very wasteful. How true that is."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for
the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line
"a mind is a terrible thing to waste"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
