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| Posted by Richard R. Dooley on 14-Aug-2005 | I am NEVER flying again!10.) "We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding will start
at twenty dollars."
9.) "I'm sorry madam, but we cannot allow you to bring your cat
on board. We don't yet know the effects of high radiation on our
feline friends. And we are required to check your bags."
8.) "Yes sir, we are aware of the biohazard tag on your luggage
and no, you don't want to know it's origin. I recommend you
refrain from opening your suitcase."
7.) "Yes sir, importing Cuban cigars is illegal, that is why the
security officer had to confiscate them. What? He's smoking
them? HEY! YOU RAT! SAVE SOME FOR ME!"
6.) "I'm sorry madam, but our insurance policy does not cover
punctures in your bags caused by our checking attendants. No it
also does not cover airline crashes. It does cover explosions
prior to takeoff, however, and is our most commonly purchased
package."
5.) "Attention all airline passengers, your flight has been
delayed."
4.) "Due to fog at O'Hare we would like to ask all terrorists to
refrain from detonating their bombs until the second half of our
flight at which point we will light up the detonation light.
This is to allow us sufficient time to crash into the ground as
scheduled."
3.) "Madam, please take your entree NOW, the tongs are melting."
2.) "We apologize for the delay. Due to extenuating
circumstances our pilot is experiencing difficulties with his
sobriety level, please allow sufficient time for him to have
additional shots of tequila."
1.) "This is your captain speaking, on the left you can now
observe the majestic Mount Kilamanjar ... oh, SHIT!" I am
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| Posted by Princess foxy on 14-Aug-2005 | Trip to Newfoundland HALIFAX TO GANDER
12 DAYS - 4 NIGHTS
JAN. 21 - FEB. 30
Itinerary
1st Day: Leave Halifax International Airport 4:35am. All passengers
travel first class aboard Air Newf's Uni-Engine Jumbo Jet.
2nd day: In Air
3rd day: In Air
4th day: In Air
5th day: Arrive Gander 9:00pm and on to Gander Curling Club, 3rd floor,
basement annex for box dinner of clam chowder and soda crackers.
6th day: After breakfast, complete city tour of gander, 9:30am-9:30am.
Free time for shop lifting followed by a fabulous 9-course meal
consisting of: Rabbit Soup, One Seal Flipper Pie, Cod Bits and a
Six-pack.
7th day: Tour of countryside in the comfort of a U.S. war surplus Jeep
left behind after the historical American evacuation.
8th day: Back to town for a tour of the new Civic Library. Everyone will
get to see the book.
9th day: Board waiting Jumbo Jet to the Mainland. Only three quick stops
(two for fuel and one for directions.)
10th day: In Air
11th day: In Air
12th day: Arrive Halifax between 10:00am and Midnight, depending on
weather conditions and fuel supply.
ONLY $49.50 per couple.
* Includes transportation, meals, drugs, tours, transfers, hotel, first
aid and parachute (opens on impact) *
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| Posted by Jerrette R. Frank on 14-Aug-2005 | Picking your ass?This is a true story that actually happened to me.
I was on a field trip to New York City with my friend Emmanuel. We were on
one of those nicer buses with the bucket seats. During the ride we would
complain to each other if one of us were over in the other's territory,
you know, over the crack between the seats. On the way home at night my
friend was lying against the window trying to get some sleep. I saw him
reach over near his ass and I said, "What are you doing, picking your
ass?" And he says, "No, I'm just feeling the crack."
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| Posted by XX2Gurly4UXX on 14-Aug-2005 | VacationSanta Clause, The Easter Bunny, and a Lepercon all go on a
vacation. They are all drivin in the car when they all have to
go to the bathroom so they pull over at this hotel. They all go
inside and the Lepercon asked the secritary when the bathroom
is.
The Secretary says it's down the hall and to the left, but it's
haunted.But the Lepercon really has to go so he does anyway. So
he go's into the bathroom. Then all of a sudden a ghost pops out
of nowhere and says I'm the ghost say's "I'm the ghost of
Lamborgini I'll cut off your balls and eat your weiny."The
Lepercon just ran out of the bathroom and ran away as quick as
he could. Then The Easter Bunny wasn't goin to go in but he
really had to so he did. Then when he got in there the ghost
said "I'm the ghost of Lamborgini I'll cut off your ball and eat
your weiny." And then the Easter Bunny runs off. So then Santa
say's "I really have to go to the bathroom." so he goes in and
then the ghost says again "I'm the ghost of Lamborgini I'll cut
off your balls and eat your weiny." Santa replies, "I'm the
ghost of Christmas Past you touch my ball I kick your ass."
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| Posted by assyrian king on 14-Aug-2005 | Friendly HawaiiWhy are Hawaiians considered to be so friendly?
They can hardly wait until you get off the plane to give you a lei.
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| Posted by Adam Schell on 14-Aug-2005 | Big CigarOne day there was a newly wed couple driving down the highway. Two truck
drivers were also driving down that same highway. The passenger in the
truck said "I have to take a shit!" "We're not stopping!" said the driver.
"Stick your ass out the window and shit." So the man did, but the driver
rolled the window up and squeezed his butt-cheeks together! Then the
newlywed couple drove by and the woman said, "honey, look at the big cigar
that guy's smoking!"
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