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I Didn't Even Know!

Three drunks were sitting at a bar.
The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."

He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"

The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"

The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
"I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!"

He paused...
"I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"

4 people have rated this joke:

6.50/10


	():nerd jokes (650): The Apple Pie Joke

Posted by Hansen H. Lieu on 12-Aug-2005

The Apple Pie Joke

There are two talking apple pies in the oven... one says, boy it sure is hot in here!"
The other says, "OH MY GOD!! A TALKING APPLE PIE!!"

5 people have rated this joke:

6.40/10


	():nerd jokes (650): Entropy isn't what it used to be....

Posted by Sam J. Wasserman on 07-Aug-2005

Entropy isn't what it used to be....

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

13 people have rated this joke:

6.38/10


	():nerd jokes (650): What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?...

Posted by Dan Stepansky on 07-Aug-2005

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?...

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

2 people have rated this joke:

6.00/10


	():nerd jokes (650): Stupid Nurse

Posted by Taija on 13-Aug-2005

Stupid Nurse

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. 'She's incredibly mixed up,' said one doctor. 'She does everything absolutely backwards.

Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!'

The second doctor said, 'That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!'

Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. 'Oh my God!', said the first doctor, 'I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!'

4 people have rated this joke:

5.75/10


	():nerd jokes (650): After I stopped by this company's booth at...

Posted by W Wilkinson on 07-Aug-2005

After I stopped by this company's booth at...

After I stopped by this company's booth at the recent CD-ROM conference, the following letter arrived here from a major CPU manufacturer...

Dear Mr. Rubinsky: Thank you for your [company name] literature order. We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are currently on backorder:
        PRODUCT CODE    DESCRIPTION                             EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE
        T217            Dear Customer Cover Letter              FOUR WEEKS
Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly appreciated.
Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at [800-number]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order for any additional literature, or refer you to your nearest [company name] sales office to help you with any technical questions regarding our products. If you call to check the status of your order, please reference your order #[number].
Again, thank you for your order, and we hope to be of service to you in the future.
Sincerely,
[empty space here]
[company name] Literature Distribution Center

Curiously, one week earlier I received the literature I had requested -- without a cover letter.

2 people have rated this joke:

5.50/10