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| Posted by luke s. heald on 09-Aug-2005 | I loveI love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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| Posted by Tyler Luedtke on 08-Aug-2005 | Woman driver and the treesA woman driver is heading down the expressway, when all of a sudden the woman sees a tree to her left, a tree to her right, and a tree directly in front of her, so she swerves and hits a guardrail.
Later, a cop arrives and ask her what happened, to which she replied,"I saw a tree to my left, a tree to my right, and a tree directly in front of me!"
The cop says, "Ma'am, there ARE trees on both sides of the road, but the one you saw directly in front of you was your air freshener."
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93 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Kayla Phillips on 09-Aug-2005 | "Lead me"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
"MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!"
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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| Posted by Pumpkin Pie on 09-Aug-2005 | "Women who"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
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| Posted by Tsango on 09-Aug-2005 | Sarcasm isSarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
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| Posted by Chula1010 on 09-Aug-2005 | Those whoThose who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
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