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| Posted by kaitlyn a. myers on 09-Aug-2005 | I need a bikeA few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed his mum's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, 'I need a man, I need a man.'
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day Johnny came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself and moaned, 'Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!'
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| Posted by bethany on 09-Aug-2005 | My cookiesOne day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather.
Grandpa is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a sip.
"Can your dick touch your asshole?" replies the grandpa.
He says no, so the grandpa says "well, then you arent old enough yet to drink beer".
The little boy goes back to his grandparents house about a week later and is again sitting on the poarch with grandpa, and again asks if he can have a sip of grandpa's beer.
"Can your dick touch your asshole yet?" He says it still cant, so Grandpa say "Sorry, but youre still not old enough yet"
The little boy goes inside where grandma gives him a plate of fresh cookies. He goes back outside and Grandpa asks him if he can have one.
"Can YOUR dick touch YOUR asshole, Grandpa?"
"Sure can" says Grandpa.
"Well good for you, then go fuck yourself, cuz these are my cookies"
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| Posted by mega on 09-Aug-2005 | R is for RatA kindergarten teacher comes to class and says, "Today class I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter."
She begins with the letter "A" and all the kids raise their hands. There is one kid in the back named Johnny that is real eager to answer the question, but the teacher knows that he is always vulgar and likes to use obscenities so she chooses on little Mary to answer.
Mary stands and says, "A...Apple"
The teacher replies, "That's great, Mary, good job."
So she moves on to the letter "B", and again Johnny is still eager to answer the question, but the teacher is sure that he will probably say "Bitch" or something like that so she calls on Todd.
Todd says, "B...Baseball." And the teacher replies, "Good Job, Todd." So they start going through the alphabet and the class' attention dwindles, except for Johnny.
The teacher comes to the letter "R" and no one, except for Johnny, is raising their hand so she is forced to call on him.
"Okay Johnny, what starts with R?" she says.
"R...Rat" Johnny replies. "Rat, ...that's it...rat?"
"Yeah," says Johnny, "Big-ass mother-f#ckin' rat with a dick 12 inches long."
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| Posted by Chantise J. hunt on 11-Aug-2005 | BicycleA Kid was walking to the bathroom, when he saw through the slightly open door, his mother was in there. She was buck naked and looking into the mirror while rubbing her breasts and moaning "I want a man. I NEED a man!".
The next day, the same thing happens: the kid is about to enter the bathroom and sees his mother rubbing her naked body in front of the mirror "I want a man. I NEED a man"
But the next day, when the kid is on the way to the bathroom, his passes his mother's bedroom, where some guy is humping her while she screams "I got a man, OH GOD, I got a man!!".
The kid immediately runs to the bathroom, stripping off his clothes on the way, then stands in front of the mirror rubbing his body saying "I want a bicycle. I NEED a bicycle!"....
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| Posted by Javier on 13-Aug-2005 | Kids Letters to GodDear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? -Billy
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry
Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Love Mickey
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan
Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane
Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison
Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy
Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita
Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD,
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. -Darla
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before-- you can look it up. -Bruce
Dear GOD,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. -Denise
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam
Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. -Dean
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth
Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. -Elliott
Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. -your friend, Rob
Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born again, but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? -Marsha
Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. -Love, Chris
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. -Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. -Katie
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| Posted by Madison D. Taylor on 09-Aug-2005 | What kids say'Never trust a dog to watch your food.' - Patrick, aged 10.
'When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.'- Hannah, aged 9.
'Never tell your mum her diet's not working.' - Michael, aged 14.
'Stay away from prunes.' - Randy, aged 9.
'Don't squat with your spurs on.' - Noronha, aged 13.
'Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.' - Emily, aged 10.
'When your mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.' - Taylia, aged 11.
'Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.' - Traci, aged 14.
'Don't sneeze in front of your mum when you're eating crackers.' - Mitchell, aged 12.
'Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.' - Andrew, aged 9.
'Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.' - Kyoyo, aged 9.
'You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.' - Armir, aged 9.
'Don't wear polka-dotted underwear under white shorts.' - Kellie, aged 11.
'If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.' - Naomi, aged 15.
'Felt pens are not good to use as lipstick.' - Lauren, aged 9.
'Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.' - Joel, aged 10.
'When you get a bad grade at school, show it to your mum when she's on the phone.' - Alyesha, aged 13.
'Never try to baptise a cat.' - Eileen, aged 8.
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