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():bar jokes (2610): I'll trust you that you paid |
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| Posted by jen on 09-Aug-2005 | I'll trust you that you paidA man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
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():bar jokes (2610): I think I'll try a nicer approach |
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| Posted by Dinesh SJ on 09-Aug-2005 | I think I'll try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.
One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all.
The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways."
The wife thought that might be a good idea.
That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition.
His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in.
This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?"
At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"
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():bar jokes (2610): I don't owe anything for this drink |
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| Posted by caleb repko on 09-Aug-2005 | I don't owe anything for this drinkThe bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
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| Posted by keri kirkles on 09-Aug-2005 | SalesA vampire walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a glass of blood. The bartender goes out and butcher's a pig, get's a glass of blood and serves it to the vampire. The vampire drinks it, pays his tab and then leaves.
Next night, vampire walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a glass of blood. The bartender goes out and butcher's a pig, get's a glass of blood and serves it to the vampire. The vampire drinks it, pays his tab and then leaves.
Third night vampire walks into the bar asks the bartender for a glass of water, Bartender says to the vampire "I'm sorry sir, I don;t mean to be rude but your a vampire correct." Vampire answers yes, Bartender says "well, the last 2 nights you have came in here and asked fror a glass of blood. What makes you want a glass of blood tonight?"
Vampire pulls out a tamponand says "tea time"
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| Posted by Parsa Fattahi on 09-Aug-2005 | Rude DrunkA woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Hey, whatcha doin' with that pig?"
"That's not a pig, you stupid ass!" she said coldly. "That's a duck."
The drunk replied. "I was talking to the duck."
There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com
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