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():funny quotes (263): "I'm desperately trying to figure out why...


Posted by Sun -. Shine on 07-Aug-2005

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why...

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
- Dave Edison

   

4 people have rated this joke:
9.75/10
     

():funny quotes (263): George S. Paton


Posted by jarrod baimbridge on 14-Aug-2005

George S. Paton

The object of war is not to die for your county! It's to make the other
bastard die for his! Now go kick some German ass!
--General George S. Paton

   

3 people have rated this joke:
9.67/10
     

():funny quotes (263): "One of the curious effects of a bad hangover...


Posted by Nate M. F on 07-Aug-2005

"One of the curious effects of a bad hangover...

"One of the curious effects of a bad hangover is that you think you're wrong whether you are or not. Not wrong in particulars, but wrong in general, wrong about everything."
- Jim Harrison

   

2 people have rated this joke:
8.50/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Anything worth having is worth cheating for....


Posted by Black Dog on 07-Aug-2005

Anything worth having is worth cheating for....

Anything worth having is worth cheating for.

- W. C. Fields

   

1 people have rated this joke:
8.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): Dilbert's Words of Wisdom


Posted by jake hatesworth on 13-Aug-2005
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

10. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ''Where the heck is the ceiling?!''

12. My Reality Check, bounced.

13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like you they are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

17. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


   

1 people have rated this joke:
8.00/10
     

():funny quotes (263): "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess'...


Posted by Cindy A. Spencer on 07-Aug-2005
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess'...
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

   

3 people have rated this joke:
7.33/10
     

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