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| Posted by Cody D. Mannion on 11-Aug-2005 | I'm not fishing!A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..."
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!
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| Posted by Prabesh Neupane on 10-Aug-2005 | Footballing definitionsFootball: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two
eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.
Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
Fans: Two sets of abusive referees
Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are
drawn towards.
Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of
any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers
Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging lay about whom only misses the goal
when he is fed a bad ball
Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty
area
Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into committing fouls.
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| Posted by Neo V. Michilini on 10-Aug-2005 | Chief worrierA man applied to Sheffield Wednesday FC for a job on the administrative staff.
'What we're really looking for here,' said the chairman, 'is what you might call
a "chief worrier"!
Someone to worry about things like falling attendances, finances, league
promotion, violence on the terraces, and so on. For a chap like that we'd be
prepared to pay ??75,000 a year. Interested?'
'Certainly,' said the applicant.
'But - you'll pardon me for saying this, I hope - where on earth is Sheffield
Wednesday going to find that sort of money for a job like this?'
'Ah!' said the chairman. 'That would be your first worry.'
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| Posted by bilal agha on 10-Aug-2005 | GraffitiAt Swindon:
SWINDON TOWN IS MAGIC!
And underneath:
WATCH THEM DISAPPEAR FROM THE SECOND DIVISION!
Dumbarton, Scotland:
JESUS SAVES!
And underneath:
DUMBARTON SHOULD SIGN HIM FOR GOAL!
Second Division Club:
STOCKTON -ON-TEAS FOR THE CUP!
Republican area of Belfast:
BRITS OUT!
Under which someone had added:
EXCEPT CHARLTON, SATTERS, TOWNSEND, SHEEDY AND ALDRIDGE
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| Posted by betsy minton on 10-Aug-2005 | Gaelic footballThree football codes prevail in Ireland: Rugby, which is defined as a thugs'
game played by gentlemen; soccer - a gentleman's game played by thugs; and
Gaelic football - a thugs' game played by thugs!
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| Posted by Christine Daae on 10-Aug-2005 | He retaliated first!In the heat of the game, one of the players threw a vicious punch the victim
was all set to get -stuck into him when the referee rushed up and held him back.
'Now then, O'Hara! You know you mustn't retaliate!'
'Come on ref!' said O'Hara. 'He retaliated first!'
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