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():nerd jokes (650): In the theater


Posted by Joe J. Shmo on 13-Aug-2005

In the theater

At the movie theater there was a man laying across two seats. The usher comes down and says "Excuse me sir but you can only use one seat, I'm going to have to ask you to move."

The man just grunts.

The usher says again "Sir, if you don't move I will have to call the manager."

Again the man just grunts.

So the usher goes to get the manager. the manager says "Sir, if you don't move I will have to call the police, so I suggest you move".

But once again the man only grunts.

So the manager calls the police. The police come and say to the man "OK, what's your name?"

The man replies "Joe" Then the police officer says "And Joe, where did you come from?"

The man painfully answers, "the balcony"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Sign on Rollercoaster


Posted by LittleDan on 13-Aug-2005

Sign on Rollercoaster

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Phone Company Job


Posted by Ren R. Renford on 13-Aug-2005

Phone Company Job

A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.

The next day, two groups of workers show up. The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give them a test.

The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first, they will get the job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back.

A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the first crew returns. "YAY!!" they shout. "We came back first, we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men.

An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 12:00, the other crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

"What do you mean, 'what took so long?' Do we get the job?"

"YOU get the job? No way! The other men were back here HOURS ago!"

"Well, of course they were -- they only put the pole in halfway!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Irish Pudding


Posted by DrummerMonkey on 13-Aug-2005

Irish Pudding

A Irishman went to the doctors with a hole in his earlobe and blisters all over his feet, the doctor asked: "What happened paddy?"

Paddy replied, "I was opening a pudding an' it said on the packet pierce ere and stand in boiling water"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Camping Trip


Posted by michael barnacle on 13-Aug-2005
Camping Trip
Sally, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I can't understand that. Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory)


Posted by Alien Offspring on 13-Aug-2005
Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory)
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What the hell is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat's 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! Got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred!"

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"


   

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