Interesting Questions....

• If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
• If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
• If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
• What do chickens think we taste like?
• What do people in China call their good plates?
• What do you call a male ladybug?
• What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
• When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
• When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
• Which is the other side of the street?
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Numbers of the Beast

• 660 -- Approximate number of The Beast
• DCLXVI -- Roman numeral of The Beast
• 666.000000 -- Number of the High Precision Beast
• 0.666 -- Number of the Millibeast
• / 666 -- Beast Common Denominator
• 0.005015 -- Reciprical of the Beast.
• 666i -- Imaginary number of The Beast
• 1010011010 -- Binary number of The Beast
• 443556 -- Square of the Beast
• 2.8235 -- Log of the beast
• 6.5913 -- Ln Beast
• 1.738E289 -- Anti-log of the beast
• 6.66E2 --Scientific number of the Beast
• 29A -- Hexadecimal number of the Beast
• 666! -_ Factorial of the Beast
• 6, uh... what was that number again? -- Number of the Blonde Beast
• 1-666 -- Area code of The Beast
• 00666 -- Zip code of The Beast
• <Mailto://666@hell.org. -- E-mail address of the beast
• <http://www.666.org.html. -- web-page of the Beast
• 1-900-666-0666 -- Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
• $665.95 -- Retail price of The Beast
• $55.50 -- Monthly cost of the Beast in twelve easy equal monthly installments
• $699.25 -- Price of The Beast plus 5% state sales tax
• $769.95 -- Price of The Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
• $656.66 -- WalMart price of The Beast
• $646.66 -- Next week's WalMart price of The Beast
• Phillips 666 -- Gasoline of The Beast
• Route 666 -- Way of The Beast (Highway to Hell)
• 666 Minutes -- Weekly news program about the Beast
• 666 F -- Oven temperature for roast Beast
• 664 & 668 - Neighbours of the Beast
• 666k -- Retirement plan of The Beast
• 666 mg -- Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
• 6.66 % -- 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
• Lotus 6-6-6 -- Spreadsheet of The Beast
• Word 6.66 -- Word Processor of The Beast
• i66686 -- CPU of The Beast
• 666-I -- BMW of The Beast
• 665.99999973 _ Intel Pentium number of the Beast
• 666 Sunset Strip _- Old T. V. series about the Beast soon on Nick-At-Nite
• DSM-666 (revised) -- Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of The Beast
• Windows 666 -- Bill Gates' personal Beast

Things Will Rogers Never Said

• Every teen-ager should get a high school education -- even if they already know everything
• Somethings that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair
• A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell
• The outcome of the income depends on the outgo for the upkeep
• Here's a new invention -- a solar-powered clothes dryer. It's called a clothes line
• Leaders go down in history -- some farther down than others
• Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them
• Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired
• For every judge operating in an official capacity, there are 100 who are self-appointed
• It is when we forget ourselves that we do things that are most likely to be remembered
• The more you know, the more you know you ought to know
• The argument you just won with your spouse isn't over yet
• The law of gravitation is the only law that everybody observes

Quotes

• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
• If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
• No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
• Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.
• If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
• If you don't die from it -- it is healthy.
• If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
• One good turn gets most of the blankets.
• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
• There are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't.
• It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.
• My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
• Life is sexually transmitted.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool.
• Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful.
• No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
• You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
• Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.

You may no longer be cool if...

• You find yourself listening to talk radio.
• You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
• You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
• Your wife buys a flannel nightie and you find that sexy.
• You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
• You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
• You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
• When jogging is something you do to your memory.
• Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.
• Sex becomes "All that foolishness".
• Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
• All the cars behind you turn on their headlights.
• You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
• You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
• You actually ASK for your father's advice.
• You don't know how to operate a FAX machine.
• When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.

What Really Happened...

• "I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and enjoy it. Let me do the worrying - that's what I get paid for." - England manager Graham Taylor before the 1992 European championships. England didn't win a game.
• "I have always found strangers sexy." - Hugh Grant, six months before he was arrested with stranger Divine Brown.
• "I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear." - Margaret Thatcher in 1973.
• "That rainbow song's no good. Take it out." - MGM memo after first showing of The Wizard Of Oz.
• "You'd better learn secretarial skills or else get married." - Modelling agency, rejecting Marilyn Monroe in 1944.
• "Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax". "The aeroplane is scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.
• "You ought to go back to driving a truck." - Concert manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954.
• "Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel." - MGM executive, advising against investing in Gone With The Wind.
• "Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little." - A film company's verdict on Fred Astaire's 1928 screen test.
• "Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, `ut it will never work." - Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Cambridge, shown Frank Whittle's plan for the jet engine.
• "There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991." - World Health Organisation in a 1989 report. It over-estimated by 992,301 cases.
• "The Beatles? They're on the wane." - The Duke of Edinburgh in Canada, 1965. They went on to produce a string of No 1s.
• "The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives." - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.
• "All saved from Titanic after collision." - New York Evening Sun, April 15 1912.
• "Brain work will cause women to go bald." - Berlin professor, 1914.
• "Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936.
• "Everything that can be invented has been invented." - director of the US Patent Office, 1899.
• "And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam." - Newsweek magazine, predicting popular holidays for the late 1960s.