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():other funny jokes (4827): It seems that The Count on Sesame Street was...


Posted by Marianne Visser on 07-Aug-2005

It seems that The Count on Sesame Street was...

It seems that The Count on Sesame Street was giving a lecture on his thoughts on Godel's Theorem and there was a great need for extra transportation services to this event. After all, people like Gordon, Bob, Maria, Mr. Hooper, and all can only take so much of the "Which is not like the other" mentality. Anyway, since the Speedy Delivery Service run by Mr.McFeeley (what a name for a character on a children's show!) was being pushed out of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood by Federal Express, he thought he would sign on as a bus driver for the Sesame Street Bus Company. Besides, he was do for another trip to the Magic Kingdom and that was getting expensive these days.

On the morning of the big event he kissed his wife goodbye and hopped onto his bus and began driving his route. At the first stop there were two rather plump twins, so he stopped. As they got on he said "Hi there! Welcome to the Sesame St. bus! I'm Mr. McFeeley, who are you?" The twins said "We're named Patty" and they then waddled to their seats. He started to drive and at the next stop he saw a rather dejected looking man and stopped to pick him up. "Hi there", said Mr. McFeeley,"why do you look so said?" The man said, " I have no friends and I'm terribly lonely." With that Mr. Mcfeeley replied,"what is your name?" The man replied, "Saul". "Well, you can be my special friend Saul", said Mr. McFeeley. The man looked much happier and skipped to his seat. Mr. McFeeley then went on his way to the next bus stop and saw two men waiting, though one looked rather familiar. He stopped and gave his greeting to the first man. Mr. McFeeley learned that his name was Lester Cheese. Mr. McFeeley then recognized the other man to be Don Rickles. Apparently he looked to be in some kind of pain. "Welcome to the Sesame Street Bus Mr. Rickles! You look like you're in a lot of pain." "That's right, I've got bunyons you hockey puck!" And with that Mr. McFeeley completed his route to the symposium.

When Mr. McFeeley returned home his wife said, "How did it go today dear?" Mr. McFeeley replied, "Just great! I had two obese Patties, a special friend Saul, Lester Cheese, and Don Rickles with Bunyons all on the Sesame Bus!" They then took their valium and went to the Magic Kingdom.

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): Two dyslexics were on the ski slope unsure...


Posted by Justin T. Beilstein on 07-Aug-2005

Two dyslexics were on the ski slope unsure...

Two dyslexics were on the ski slope unsure of which way to ski down the hill. They spot another man and go over to ask him. "When we go down the slope do we zig zog or do we zog zag??" asked one of them. "Don't ask me", said the man, "I'm a tobogannist".

"In that case then, I'll have 20 Cuban cigars and a box of matches please".

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?...


Posted by cathy b on 07-Aug-2005

"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?...

"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"

"I believe that's the backstroke, madam."

"Waiter, there's also a needle in my soup!"

"I'm sorry, madam, that's a typographical error. That should have
been a noodle."

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): Hi:...


Posted by Prabesh Neupane on 07-Aug-2005

Hi:...

Hi:

Just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with a very serious condition and there's no hope I will ever recover. The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed, however now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn't.

I call it the "But First Syndrome."

You know, it's when I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry....

....But first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle rack.

....But first I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes, now where's the checkbook? Oops......there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook,

....But first I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away....

....But first I need to water those plants. Head for door and.... Stepped on the dog. Dog needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants....

....But first I need to feed the dog.....

End of day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still lost, and the dog ate the remote control ........ And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled because.... I know I was busy all day!

I realize this condition is serious...and I'd get help...

....But first... I think I'll check my email!

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): Laugh, and the world laughs with you....


Posted by Jack O. Farrelly on 07-Aug-2005
Laugh, and the world laughs with you....
Laugh, and the world laughs with you.

Snore, and you sleep alone.

   

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():other funny jokes (4827): An actor should always bear in mind what clapping...


Posted by Lary on 07-Aug-2005
An actor should always bear in mind what clapping...
An actor should always bear in mind what clapping the hands together does for a mosquito.
   

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