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| Posted by Rylee Angel on 09-Aug-2005 | Johnny's pussyAt school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and she discovered little Johnny had a cat up his pants.
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Johnny started crying, "I woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my mommy, 'I'm gonna eat your pussy today!'"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nicole on 09-Aug-2005 | Darn kidsA mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip.
They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My God! It's already 3 p.m., I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.
At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Fi Phe on 09-Aug-2005 | Step, step, roar...A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was just being the Ring Bear!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Mike J. Rees on 09-Aug-2005 | 20/20 VisionLittle Johnny's neighbor has just had a little boy.
The only problem is that the baby doesn't have any ears.
Everyone who comes to see the baby compliments the woman on it's looks, but no one mentions the fact that it doesn't have any ears.
Suddenly, she sees Little Johnny coming over from next door.
She becomes very worried because she thinks that he is going to make fun of the baby.
When he enters the house, he compliments the baby on everything without mentioning its' ears.
Without warning, he says, "He has beautiful eyes, does he have 20/20 vision?"
So she thanks him and asks, "Why?"
Finally he says, "Well, it's a damn good thing because if he didn't, he wouldn't have a damn thing to hang his glasses on now would he?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by tinmil on 09-Aug-2005 | HikingA father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied. "Every night you were gone, mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dimitre Atanasov on 09-Aug-2005 | God made meGrandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up, "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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