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| Posted by Jim Porter on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonnys Been LuckyJohnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.
His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?"
He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."
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| Posted by Halli on 09-Aug-2005 | Teachers First DayIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".
So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".
The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
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| Posted by Pimp Daddy on 09-Aug-2005 | Moron KidAfter my 11 year old son did something really dumb, I called him a "moron." He looked at he like he was saying,
"Dad, do you know anything?"
He finally said "Dad I looked 'moron' up in the dictionary and the definition of it is 'a person who has the intelligence of a 12 year old.' Thanks Dad, you just gave me a compliment!"
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| Posted by Lavin Beldleveu on 09-Aug-2005 | Blonde On TopLittle Willie had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything. One day, Willie's father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. "Mr.Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie a real lesson. We'll trap him into a big wager that he'll lose."
Willie's father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers with the other children, and she said, "Willie, I want you to remain after class."
When the others had left the classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could say a word, he said, " Dont say it, Miss Brown; I know what you're going to say, but you're a liar!"
"Willie!" the startled teacher said." What are you talking about."
"Your a fake!" Willie continued."How can I believe anything you tell me? You've got this blond hair on top, but I've seen your bush and it's pitch black!"
Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, "Willie that isn't true."
"I'll bet a dollar it is !" Willie challenged.
The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson."Make it five dollars and you have a bet," she said.
"You're on!" Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone could come into the room, Miss Brown. dropped her panties, spread her legs, and showed Willie that her pubic hair was as blond as the hair on top of her head.
Willie hung his head. "You win," he said, handing her the fiver. Miss. Brown couldn't wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to call his father. She reported what had happened. "Mr. Gaines," she said, "I think we've finally taught him his lesson."
"The hell we have," the father muttered. "This morning Willie bet me ten dollars that he'd see your pussy before the day was over.
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| Posted by Justin M. Bentley on 09-Aug-2005 | Taken ApartLittle Jonny asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother
Little Jonny answered " The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."
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| Posted by Lucky A. Shorty on 09-Aug-2005 | Birds and BeesA rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old son tanding at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.
The rancher thought to himself, "Great, now I'm gonna have to explain the 'birds and bees'. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just let him ask the questions and I'll answer as best I can."
After everything was over, the Rancher walked over to his son and said, "Well, son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?"
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