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| Posted by Russell Kline on 09-Aug-2005 | Karate ChopThere was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ''That was a karate chop from Korea.''
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,''That was a karate chop from China.''
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , ''Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!''
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| Posted by Panny Heron on 09-Aug-2005 | Missappropriated ChuA man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. ''You, sir, are drunk!'' ''And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!''
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| Posted by fLy gIrL on 09-Aug-2005 | NerdzThis truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying ''Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!'' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. ''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'' ''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'' ''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked. ''Why did you do that?'' ''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.'' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. ''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver. ''Well, sure,'' says the patrolman. ''But you can't bait 'em.''
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| Posted by Iain A. Hewitt on 09-Aug-2005 | Pig In A BarA lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''
Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
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| Posted by Hench on 09-Aug-2005 | Piss DrunkOne night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, ???Betcha $20 I can bite my eye.??? The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, ???Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye.??? Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, ???Hey, barkeep,??? he burbles, ???I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop.??? The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly pisses all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously. ???What's so funny???? says the barkeep, ???you just lost everything you won and more!??? ???Well,??? giggles the man, ???I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry.???
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| Posted by Funky Monkey on 09-Aug-2005 | Ready to Go Home YetThere was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. Which he chugged, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer. This went on for a while then the bartender finally asked, 'How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?' The man said, 'because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough to go home.'
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