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():other funny jokes (4827): Killer Facelift

Posted by Cara A. Wegimont on 09-Aug-2005

Killer Facelift

A woman went to her plastic surgeon and asked him about what she should do about the saggy skin on her face. HE told her that he would put a nob in the back of her head that would tighten her skin if she turned it. He warned her of the consequences of using the nob to much. She agrred and had the surgery. Weeks passed and she went back to visit the surgeon with another problem.

"Doctor," she said.

"What should i do about the bags under my eyes?"

"Those aren't bags under eyes those are your boobs!" replied the doctor.

"Oh," she said.

"Well then i guess that would explain the Gotee!"

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():other funny jokes (4827): 3 Wishes

Posted by saran singh on 09-Aug-2005

3 Wishes

One day a jeaniewas hosting a party and said that if anyone could swim past his tank of sharks,ell,parhanas, and alligators, he would give them 3 wishes when suddenly he saw a man swimming for dear life trying to make it to the other end and made it, so the jeanie said "you have made it,waht are your 3 wishes".The man said "i wish i had a shotgun and poof a shotgun,next i want some shotgun bullets and poof bullets,finally i wish to know who pushed me in.

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():other funny jokes (4827): Some Short Ones...

Posted by Element on 09-Aug-2005

Some Short Ones...

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"

I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses!"

"Now I'll have to kill you too."


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():other funny jokes (4827): Presents for Mother

Posted by Countess E. Bathori on 09-Aug-2005

Presents for Mother

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."


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():other funny jokes (4827): four parachutes

Posted by scott m on 09-Aug-2005
four parachutes
An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, "I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being leader of nearly 300 million people and a superpower."

So he takes the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The second passenger said, "I'm Antoine Walker, one of the best NBA basketball players, and the Boston Celtics need me so I can't afford to die."

So he takes the second parachute and leaves the plane.

The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am New York's Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world". So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.

The fourth passenger, an old man, says to the fifth passenger, a 12-year-old Boy Scout, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left so as a Christian gesture and a good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The Boy Scout said, "It's okay, there's a parachute left for you. The world's smartest woman took my backpack."


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():other funny jokes (4827): Bill Gates in Heaven

Posted by Nutter Pupper on 09-Aug-2005
Bill Gates in Heaven
One day Bill Gates died and went to heaven. When he got there he met God. God said Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell Bill Gates said Can I have a look at them first So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white. Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with chicks and beer and coke and everyones splashing in the water and having fun. Bill Gates choose Hell. A few weeks later God went to visit Bill Gates and he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed What happened to all the ladies and and fun and God said It was only a demo.

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