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():nerd jokes (650): Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.... |
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| Posted by yazziegurl on 07-Aug-2005 | Klein bottle for rent - inquire within....Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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():nerd jokes (650): Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you... |
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| Posted by barbara coleman on 07-Aug-2005 | Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you...Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon
Programmer
- "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"
- "This machine is a piece of gagh! I need dual Pentium processors
if I am to do battle with this code!"
- "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in
the original Klingon."
- "Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your
skull!"
- "What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of
designers and quality assurance people in its wake."
- "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have
'arguments' - and they always win them."
- "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle
the weak."
- "I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
contest. They will not concern us again."
- "A true Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!"
- "By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my
family... Prepare to die!"
- "You question the worthiness of my code?
I should kill you where you stand!"
- "Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it!
Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!"
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5 people have rated this joke: |
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():nerd jokes (650): Bad Day at the Office (True Story) |
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| Posted by Andrew Bruno on 14-Aug-2005 | Bad Day at the Office (True Story)You thought you had a bad day at the office....
A true story...
A professional scuba diver's letter to his sister...
April, 1998
Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.
I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Love, Brian
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():nerd jokes (650): Two engineering students were walking across... |
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| Posted by Laurie Hiestand on 12-Aug-2005 | Siamese Twins in EnglandWhy did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive.
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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