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():funny quotes (263): Knowledge and Underwear


Posted by Candy Dee on 14-Aug-2005

Knowledge and Underwear

Knowledge is like underwear. Everyone should have it, but there's no need
to show it off.

   

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():funny quotes (263): Ain't That The Truth....


Posted by bob pope on 14-Aug-2005

Ain't That The Truth....

We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and talk, and
the next fifteen years telling them to shut up and sit down.

The key to failure is trying to please everybody.

If you want people to remember you, owe them money.

If at first you don't succeed...skydiving is probably not for you.

   

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():funny quotes (263): Various quotes


Posted by catherine chsksi on 14-Aug-2005

Various quotes

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's
going to be up all night.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?"
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line.
He caught every other fish.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With
Pail...Kitten On Fire...

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!

My roomate got a pet elephant and lost it. It's in the room somewhere.

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got
there.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my
yard or I'll throw it at them.

   

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():funny quotes (263): Life Is....


Posted by Katie Mackle on 14-Aug-2005

Life Is....

A wise woman once said:

"life is like a dick.....when it gets hard, fuck it!"

   

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():funny quotes (263): Mental Illness


Posted by Boo on 14-Aug-2005
Mental Illness
Sanity statistics say that one out of every four Americans suffer from
some sort of mental illness. Look at your three closest friends...if they
are okay, then it's you.
--Rita Mae Brown

   

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():funny quotes (263): Wit and Wisdom Of Homer Sipmson


Posted by Alli M. Kranz on 14-Aug-2005
Wit and Wisdom Of Homer Sipmson
These are some of Homer Simpson's quote from Season 1 & 2

Season 1

It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the
light bulb.
Unlike most of you, I am not a but.
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of
a bottle. They're on TV!
As far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear. And they don't
like it.
I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what
about those really smart ones who live among us who roller-skate and smoke
cigars?
I couldn't very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store could I?

Season 2

It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in
here...
Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the
right-no the duty-to make a complete ass of myself.
Oh, cruel fate. Why do you mock me?
You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. I told you. My
baby beat me up. Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
And anyone can be tooted?
English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
A hundred bucks! For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-malangelo?


   

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