|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Jamie G. Snell on 09-Aug-2005 | Learned From Kids1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
6. The glass in windows - even double pane - cannot stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A young child can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Small Legos will successfully pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.
11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is permanent.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. VCRs will not spontaneously eject PB&J sandwiches
15. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
16. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.
17. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
18. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not taste or smell better baked.
19. The spin cycle on the washing machine does make earthworms squirm.
20. Making a cat dizzy will cause it to spit up twice its body weight.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by lauren h. houston on 09-Aug-2005 | Glass of WaterOne night a father sent his kid to bed.
Five minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''
''No. You had your chance,'' said the father.
A minute later the boy screamed,
''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance.
The next time you ask, I'm going to come up there and give you a good spanking!'' said the Dad.
Two minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad! When you come up to spank me
can you bring me a glass or water?''
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mongolian A. Jackass on 09-Aug-2005 | Who Gets the ToyThe father of five children won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?", he asked.
"Who never talks back to mother?
Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison:
"Okay Dad, you get the toy!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jezz on 09-Aug-2005 | Sticking It OutThe little boy was 8 yrs old when his parents decided to have him circumcised (looking different than dad, other kids, etc.).
After a few days of recovery, the boy went back to school.
After about an hour, the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse.
He went to see her but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was.
She suggested that he call his Mom and see if she could come and get him.
The nurse waited in the other room while the call was made.
After a few minutes the little boy came out and started walking back to class, but the nurse noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants.
She said "Johnny, what are you doing? You can't walk around like that."
He replied, "Well I told my Mom how much I hurt and she said that if I could just stick it out till lunch time she would come pick me up then."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jim Porter on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonnys Been LuckyJohnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.
His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?"
He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Halli on 09-Aug-2005 | Teachers First DayIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".
So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".
The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
