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| Posted by Kathryn C. Buford on 12-Aug-2005 | Learning to CussTwo little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say ass' and I'll say hell'".
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
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| Posted by Kabez Blesing on 09-Aug-2005 | Dirty mind!The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nick J. M on 08-Aug-2005 | truckIt was time for the sex talk to their kids, Little Johnny and Little Jane.
Each parent took a kid
THE mother told Little Jane that her private spot was a garage and no boy should stick their truck in it
The father took Little Johnny aside and told his piece was a truck and should be parked in a garage when he is old enough
After their respective talks, both kids went outside to play.
Little Johnny comes running and screaming and locked himself in the bathroom.
Jane comes in with blood all over her mouth. Her mom asked, "What on earth happened?!"
Jane said "Well, Johnny tried to park his truck in my garage so i bit off his back tires..."
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| Posted by Nickie M. Necsefr on 12-Aug-2005 | Buckwheat and DarlaBuckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla "How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says "d-u-m-b, dumb".
The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."
She says "Buckwheat is dumb"
Now spell "stupid". Darla says "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid".
The teacher says,"very good, now use it in a sentence."
Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate".
The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."
"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"
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| Posted by Jay Knite on 08-Aug-2005 | Turn to stoneLittle Johnny and his friend Little George walk in the woods and see a naked girl. Little George says, "Don't look at the naked girl because my dad said that if you look at naked girls, you will turn into stone. Little Johnny said, "Too late. I'm already getting hard."
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| Posted by Mickey Kirksey on 09-Aug-2005 | Worm in a holeA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.
The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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