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| Posted by Krista N. Andrson on 13-Aug-2005 | Legal ParrotA man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer.
The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research." The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
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| Posted by cory on 14-Aug-2005 | SkydivingA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were
all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to
jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and
grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the
dog's leash goes slack."
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| Posted by Emily M on 13-Aug-2005 | Shag your sheepA researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer. ''So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?''
''Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.''
''That's very interesting,'' replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer. ''So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your sheep?''
''Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.''
''That's very interesting,'' replies the researcher. ''That's how they do it in Cornwall too.'' And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets a farmer from Abergaveny. ''So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your sheep?''
''Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders.''
''Over your shoulders?'' replies the researcher. ''Don't you put them over a wall like everyone else?''
''What?'' says the farmer. ''And miss out on all the kissing?!''
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| Posted by Dezaray Phillips on 13-Aug-2005 | Hippo loveQ: Why do hippoes only mate under water.
A: Have you ever tried keeping a 5 houndred pond pussy wet.
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| Posted by Gothic Bitch on 14-Aug-2005 | the english cat and the french catthere was an english cat called one two three and there was a
french cat called un don twa
any way they decided to hav a race across the english channel
the one two three cat made it but the un don twa cat sank
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| Posted by Siemen on 08-Aug-2005 | Donald DuckDonald Duck walked into a drugstore & asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly, sir" said the lady behind the counter, "shall I put them on your bill?"
"NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am, a Dickhead?!"
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