|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by susieq on 13-Aug-2005 | Legal Q & A'sQuestions are asked by lawyers.
Answers are given by witnesses.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Let me get this straight, Mrs. Clarkson. Despite the
fact that you had hired detectives to watch your
husband's every move, you yourself stood on that
corner every night, in all kinds of weather,
watching your husband and a woman enter the house,
seeing the lights go on downstairs, and then shortly
after that in an upstairs bedroom, and then some
minutes later turned out entirely. Why in the world
did you do it?
A: I just wanted to be near my husband.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A woman charged with adultery was grilled by the
opposing attorney.
Q: Young lady, just how do you justify your course of
conduct?
A: Well, Judge, I gave him all he wanted. I kept him
happy. I don't see why he should be concerned about
what I did with my leftovers.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Well, you're a pretty big man, aren't you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: How big would you say?
A: Oh, about eight inches.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: You don't know what it was, and you don't know what
it looked like, but can you describe it?
A: No.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Did the defendant have an erection?
THE DEFENSE: Objection. Calls for expert medical opinion.
THE COURT: I don't think so.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
that you've forgotten.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ATTORNEY: (in the middle of a long cross-examination):
Your honor, one of the jurors is asleep.
THE COURT: Well, you put him to sleep. Now wake him up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ATTORNEY: And you can show us a copy of that oral
agreement?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: Do you have copies of those estimates?
A: I don't know.
Q: Do you have copies of the purchase orders?
A: I don't know.
Q: Do you know who would?
A: Do I know who would know? Yes.
Q: Who?
A: Me, if I knew.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lauren L on 13-Aug-2005 | DirtyWhat do you call a white boy in a dumpster ?
A:white trash
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Scott D. Willson on 13-Aug-2005 | 4 MenFour men walk in to a bar!
One of them sould have seen it!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron R. Whittington on 13-Aug-2005 | The truth about BridgeA cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, 'Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge, and last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, 'Lay down and let's see what you've got.' Another man said, 'I've got strength but no length.' Another man says to the lady, 'Take your hand off my trick!' I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered, 'You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise.' Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said, 'Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine. Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say, 'Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dianthus W on 13-Aug-2005 | Fishing jokeA couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. 'Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!' the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
'Well, son,' said the Game Warden, 'you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!'
'Yes, sir,' replied the young guy, 'but my friend back there, well, he don't have one.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
