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| Posted by scotty on 09-Aug-2005 | Little helperAn old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by bigcat on 09-Aug-2005 | Kids say...The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat.
"Okay, boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"
"I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.
"Very good, Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"
"That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy.
"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
Silence fell over the class.
After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something you're mother calls your father."
"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a horny bastard!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by yisman and calamjo
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| Posted by Luis H. Praun on 09-Aug-2005 | WarewolfKid: Mom! Everyone at school says I look like a werewolf!
Mom: Shut up and comb your face!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Jessica A. Locklear on 09-Aug-2005 | The dog ate it!"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
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| Posted by brad j. mira on 09-Aug-2005 | Explain thatA school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy runs a brothel."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door.
The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually a politician. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by fantase on 09-Aug-2005 | Hard to come by"Where's your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.
"I ain't got one, Sir."
"You're in England now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil."
"Gee!" said Bud. "Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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