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| Posted by the face L. P on 13-Aug-2005 | Loco dangerThis fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: 'Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'
The desert man replies: 'Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.'
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| Posted by Gary E. Suter on 13-Aug-2005 | Newfie JokeTwo fellows are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other, 'Well, what now? We've sold everything.'
The other replies, 'Dont worry, there's this newfie who comes in here everyday. We'll have a few laughs on him.'
Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in , hands in pockets, looking around. 'Tell me lads', asks the newfie, 'what have ya for sale today?'
One of the fellows says, 'Well we're having a sale on arseholes!'
Newfie says, 'Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!'
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():nerd jokes (650): Critical thinking on the farm |
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():nerd jokes (650): Following directions for the mentally handicapped |
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| Posted by Betsy on 13-Aug-2005 | Following directions for the mentally handicappedAn institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch.
When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled, ''Up, nuts!'' and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled, ''Down, nuts!'' and the inmates sat.
The game proceeded and the inmates were well-behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled, ''Clap, nuts!'' and the patients applauded just like normal fans. Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer.
But when he came back, there was a riot going on. The director finally located his assistant and demanded, ''What happened?'' ''Everything was fine,'' the assistant said, ''until some guy came over and yelled, 'Peanuts'!''
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