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():nerd jokes (650): Lost while hunting


Posted by Lady Love on 13-Aug-2005

Lost while hunting

Two men from Canada were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first man says to the other, 'If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.' After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo. The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do. The man answers, 'Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.'


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Very Hairy


Posted by Roy Covington on 13-Aug-2005

Very Hairy

A very hairy man sat next to this bald man, the bald man asked for a donation and the hairy man said: I am very hairy....
   

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():nerd jokes (650): Joke star


Posted by Tom D. Chambers on 13-Aug-2005

Joke star


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Monkeys


Posted by Jaiva on 13-Aug-2005

Monkeys

There are two monkeys in a bath one goes oooooooooohhhhhaaaaaa! The other one says put somebloody cold water in the bloody bath stupid monkey!!!
   

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():nerd jokes (650): Loco danger


Posted by the face L. P on 13-Aug-2005
Loco danger
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: 'Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'

The desert man replies: 'Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.'


   

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():nerd jokes (650): General Announcements (Navy)


Posted by Ned Ryerson on 13-Aug-2005
General Announcements (Navy)
Said to be true:

There was a boatswain's mate named Johnny Johnson in the first division and he stood watches inport on the quarterdeck and on the bridge at sea. Some of his announcements on the 1MC (general announcement PA system) were classics ---

In port, tied up to a pier in New York City:

'Now sweepahs sweepahs start your brooms. Sweep down all lower decks, ladders, and passageways. Empty all shit cans ovah da fantail.'

A very pregnant pause 'Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all shit cans on da pier!'

Another pause, now he's obviously reading something written by the OOD (Officer of the Deck).

'Delay dat word on shit cans, empty all trash *receptacles* into the *containers* provided on the pier.'

This was a different day but he was piping 'general visiting'

'Now all hands rig for genrahl visitin! All hands is reminded to watch der language, we got cunt aboard.'


   

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