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| Posted by iggy1 on 08-Aug-2005 | Lucky dogWhat has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
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| Posted by rick close on 08-Aug-2005 | Dog life...Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?
Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...
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| Posted by Demon S. Sex on 08-Aug-2005 | Eating a bald eagleA guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently
put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trail, the conversation
went something like this:
Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
Man: "Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what
happened."
Judge: "Proceed."
Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.
I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."
15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.
Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you
didn't intend to kill the Eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.
But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste
like?"
Man: "Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can
describe it is maybe a combination between a California Condor and a
Spotted Owl."
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| Posted by pete imaman on 08-Aug-2005 | Hamlet's Cat's SoliloquyHamlet's Cat's Soliloquy
To go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to remain within: that is the question: Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather That Nature rains on those who roam abroad, Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet, And so by dozing melt the solid hours That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state A wish to venture forth without delay, Then when the portal's opened up, to stand As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep; To choose not knowing when we may once more Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball; For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob, Or work a lock or slip a window-catch, And going out and coming in were made As simple as the breaking of a bowl, What cat would bear the household's petty plagues, The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom, The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears, The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will, He might his exodus or entrance make With a mere mitten? Who would spaniels fear, Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard, But that the dread of our unheeded cries And scratches at a barricaded door No claw can open up, dispels our nerve And makes us rather bear our humans' faults Than run away to unguessed miseries? Thus caution doth make house cats of us all; And thus the bristling hair of resolution Is softened up with the pale brush of thought, And since our choices hinge on weighty things, We pause upon the threshold of decision.
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| Posted by Paige Mcclure on 08-Aug-2005 | Did you hear...Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
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| Posted by Mogs on 08-Aug-2005 | Did you hear...Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
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