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| Posted by cutybug on 12-Aug-2005 | Man in raincoateA man and woman meet at a bar one rainy night. the woman says to the man, \"lets get out of here and go back to my place\". while they are at the womans house inside the bedroom they hear the front door open and slam. all of a sudden the women cries out \"my husband is home, my husband is home\". the man quickly grabs all his clothes and jumps out the window. as he looks out to the street he see\'s a group of joggers jogging down the street. the man jumps into the middle of the joggers and as he does so one of the joggers looks down at the man and ask him \"sir why are you wearing that\"? and the man replies \" I always wear a raincoat when it rains\".
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| Posted by calicutieangel on 12-Aug-2005 | Lesbian dinosaurswhat do you call two lesbian dinosaurs?
lickalotapuss
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| Posted by stemo on 12-Aug-2005 | Your mooma is fat
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():bar jokes (2610): Troubleshooting your bar or pub |
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| Posted by E- D on 08-Aug-2005 | Troubleshooting your bar or pubA solution to all of your drinking troubles
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.
Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.
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| Posted by Vince Joebob on 13-Aug-2005 | Ya maya ma is so fat god said let there be light so she rolle
d over
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| Posted by lucas moore on 13-Aug-2005 | BarbitchuateA bear walks in to the bar and asks the bartender serve me a drink the bartender says no.the bear ask why? the bartender says we dont serve to bears! the bear gets outraged and starts tearin down the bar and eats a woman and leaves. The next day the bear comes back and tells the bartender to serve him a drink or the samething will happen that happen yesterday and the bartender says I told you we dont serve to bears or drug addicts! the bear says drug addict im not a drug addict!the bartender says what about the BAR BITCH YOU ATE! KEEP IN MIND A BARBITCUATE IS A DRUG
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