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| Posted by devil dawg 50 on 14-Aug-2005 | Man on toiletQ:What do you call someone standing on top of a toilet?
A:High on Pot
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| Posted by Scott D. Willson on 14-Aug-2005 | No CodA man went into a fish shop and said
"Can I have some cod please?"
The shop owner replied,
"We dont have any cod"
So the man said ok then asked,
"Can I have some cod?"
The chippy owner told him again that there was no cod. So the
man said,
"OK... can I have some cod?"
At this the chip shop owner got really pissed off and said,
"Look mate we have no cod C-O-F-D, cod" the bloke said,
"But the is no F in cod."
And the chippy owner said,
"Thats what I've been trying to tell you!!!"
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| Posted by Nadia Issa on 14-Aug-2005 | Stepping on DucksOne day, a woman died and went to heaven. An angel met her at
the gateway to heaven and said "Welcome to heaven. Everything
here is perfect. You may do whatever you want. The only
exception is, there are ducks walking around everywhere. You may
not step on any of them, or you will be punished. After a year,
if you have not stepped on any ducks, you will be rewarded." The
woman agreed so the angel took her into heaven. She discovered a
chain linked to her wrist, though she had no idea why, but then
she realized that everyone else did, too. After awhile, the
woman began to watch other people and see what happened. She saw
a really pretty woman step on a duck because it had gotten
in her way. She saw the angel go up to the woman, talk to her,
and then chain her to an ugly man. The man said, "Wow, you are
the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." The woman said, "And
you are so ugly I can't believe I stepped on that damn duck."
After that she saw a handsome man step on a duck and swear. The
angel went over to him and talked to him. Then he walked over to
the woman and said, "You have been good, so you are going to be
rewarded." The woman was excited to see what her reward was. The
angel then took the man by his chain and hooked it to the
woman's. The woman said, "Wow, you are the hottest man I've ever
seen."
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| Posted by Princess Leia on 14-Aug-2005 | Some funny things to do to someone when they're sl1) Open their mouth discretley, either put tonic water or sea
salt in their mouth. Then sit down and wtahc they spit in horror.
2)Get a glass of warm water and spill some on their pants. Wkae
them up and make a disgusted face.
3) Put some shaving cream in someone's hand and tickle their
nose. They'll smack their face to itch it and get the shaving
cream in their face.
4)Put an ice cube on their stomach or back and leave it their.
Watch them get up and scream!!
5)Roll someone off the bed and hide. Once they get back on th
bed, keep poking at them, hiding (repeat).
6)Roll a person so their facing the ceiling. Either tie them
down with rope or something and then scream loudly, "FIRE! GET
OUT!" and watch them squirm....
7)Start whsipering in someone's ear disturbing things.. (this
one gets pretty funny...)
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| Posted by sk8ergirl697131 on 14-Aug-2005 | 10 Fun Things To Do at the Mall1.) Get a white sweater in a very large size and tie it around
one of your friends. Have them run through people screaming, "I
SWEAR, IT'S TRUE!! TINY GREEN KNOMES STOLE MY UNDERPaNTS!!!!"
2.) Stand outside an elevator and inside a store. Run out as
fast as you can go, and if the elevator doors are open, run in
and press buttons rapidly. Then when the doors close, sigh
relaxingly. If the doors are closed, pound on them and scream,
"No, no!!!!" Then push the buttons rapidly. Have a muscular or
large friend drag you off to the bathrooms while you scream,
"No, I wont!! I wont do it!!!!! I WONT!!!!!!!"
3.) Dress yourself (If you're a male) or another male friend
head to toe in womens 'delicates'. Have them (or you) run out
of the store, saying, "They said it couldn't be done, and I did
it!! My name is forever braman!!!!"
4.) Sing made up elevator music.
5.) While wearing pajamas, sucking on your thumb, and holding a
stuffed animal closely, sit on a bed in a department store and
when someone looks funny at you, say "I had nightmares . . ."
6.) While in a department store's shoe department, have a male
try on a pair of high heels and say "Is this too manly?" to
another male friend. Talk back and forth having a 'man to man'
conversation.
7.) Bring a camera and whenever you see a slut, take pictures of
them while circling them and saying, "Yes, yes, there's the look
baby! Beautiful!! Come on, gimme a smile, there ya go!!!"
Speak in a British accent.
8.) When someone orders food from the food court, ask them,
"Wow, that smells good, where'd you get it?" Before they can
answer, pick up some and lick it. Then throw it back on their
plate and say, "Yuck! Never mind!"
9.) Ask people annonymosly, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
10.) While sitting near a young female on a bench, look down at
your private and poke it saying, "Crap, c'mon boy, we almost
nailed her . . ."
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| Posted by roshan on 14-Aug-2005 | Thoughts for the dayThoughts for the day
1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
8) Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
9) And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S"
in it?
It is not known with what weapon World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
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