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| Posted by Evan Hawbaker on 09-Aug-2005 | Many moonsThere was a cowboy who went to the outhouse.
He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and low and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.
The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replied, "Many moons."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dragonfire563 on 09-Aug-2005 | Do it againOne misty Scottish morning a man was driving through the hills to Inverness.
Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. He's built like a wardrobe and despite the wind and near-freezing temperatures, is only wearing a kilt and a tweed shirt.
At the roadside there also stands a beautiful young woman, slim, shapely, a heart stopper.
The driver's attention is drawn from the woman when the highlander opens the car door and drags the man onto the road.
"Right, you," shouts the highlander, "I want you to masturbate."
"But...." stammers the driver. "Now.... or I'll bloody kill you."
So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this only takes a few seconds.
"Right," says the highlander, "Do it again!"
"But...." stammers the driver.
"Now! yells the highlander.
So the driver pulls himself off again.
"Right, do it again," demands the highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours.
The poor man has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw and despite the icy wind, has collapsed in a sweating, gibbering heap on the ground.
"Do it again," says the highlander.
"I can't," whimpers the driver. "You'll just have to kill me."
The highlander looks down at this pathetic wreck of a man slumped at his feet.
"All right," he says, "NOW you can give my daughter a lift into Inverness"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Sexy Monster on 09-Aug-2005 | Don't shit me!An eagle is circling at about 5,000 feet when he spies a field mouse down below him.
He dives down and eats the mouse.
After a little while, the mouse works his way out of the eagle's butt.
Proceeding to look around the mouse says, "Tail gunner to pilot...Tail gunner to pilot..."
The eagle says, "What do you want?"
The mouse asks, "How high up are we?"
The eagle thinks for a moment and then says, "Ohh, about 5,000 feet."
The mouse then replies, "You wouldn't be shittin' me now would ya??"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Yellow Jacket on 09-Aug-2005 | Not eating rightA man walks into a Doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks.
"You're not eating properly," replies the Doctor.
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by jerry on 09-Aug-2005 | KoalaA Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
The Koala eats the sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar.
The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?"
The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up."
The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala:
The dictionary said "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Stefani Malik on 09-Aug-2005 | 5 Little pigsA pig walked into a bar and asked the bartender, "Do you serve root beer?"
The bartender replied, "Yes, I do."
"I'd like one, please," the pig said.
After the pig had finished, he asked to use the rest room.
After the pig left, another pig came in and asked for two root beers.
This pig then asked for the rest room just like the first one had.
Two more pigs came in.
One ordered three root beers and the other ordered four.
They too used the rest room.
When a fifth pig came in, the bartender thought he'd get cute. "Let me guess, you want five root beers."
The pig was shocked. "Why, yes. Yes, I would."
When he was done, he started to walk out.
The bartender was confused.
"Don't you want to use the rest room like the other four pigs did?"
"No, I'm the fifth little piggy. I go wee-wee-wee all the way home."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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