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| Posted by Mickey Kirksey on 14-Aug-2005 | Mary's little lambMary had a little lamb,
She tide it to a pylon,
500 volts went up it's ass,
and now it's wool is nylon
Mary had a little lamb,
she knew it cudnt swim,
she took it to the swimming baths,
and threw the fucker in
Mary had a little Lamb,
she also had a duck,
she put them on the mantle piece,
to see if they wud fuck
Mary had a little Lamb,
her father shit it dead,
now everyday she takes it to school,
in a roll of bread!
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| Posted by Frank J. James on 14-Aug-2005 | Whale Hijinx
Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One whale spots a
ship and suggests to the other, "Hey, why don't we swim under
that boat, and spurt out water so it tips over?"
"Well," says the other whale, "I'll give it a blow job, but I
refuse to swallow to swallow any sea men!"
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| Posted by Aaron D. Fredrick on 14-Aug-2005 | A day in the jungleHow do you hide an elephant?
Stick him up a tree and paint his balls brown.
Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
Tarzan picking coconuts.
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| Posted by Zak on 14-Aug-2005 | JesusOne Day A Guy Broke Into A Familys House While They Were Out. He
Was Creeping Slowly Up The Stairs When He Heard "Jesus Is Gonna
Get U!" He Stood Still For A Moment Thinking There Was Still
Someone Home. When He Didnt Hear Anything For Awile He Continued
His Way Up The Stairs. The He Heard It Again, He Got Out His Gun
And Turned The Corner, And Sitting There Was A Parrot. He WaS
Releived And The Parrot Said Again "Jesus Is Gonna Get U!" He
Replied "Is That So, And Where Is Jesus" He Laughed And Started
To Walk On, The He Heard The Parrot Say "Jesus Is The Family
Rotwieler"
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| Posted by jake hatesworth on 14-Aug-2005 | Major MisunderstandingA guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money on the
counter. Natrally the guy asks the bartender 'That money couldnt
have possibly been collected in tips, whats it there for?'
so the bartender explains 'well in this jar is $5,000 in cash
and i am willing to give it up if someone will take on a dare i
propose to them.'
so the guy say says 'well whut is the dare?'
the bartender smirks and explains 'well u see that huge, burley,
monster of a man?' the guy nods-
-the bartender says 'you have to knock him out cold in one
swing, and you see that door in the back of this bar?'
the guy nods while the bartender continues 'behind that door is
a pitbull, you gotta reach in her mouth and pull out her gold
tooth, and u see the old woman sitting on that park bench across
the street?' the guys nods again-bartender says 'she is 93 and a
virgin , u must have sex with her'
so the guys sits for about 10minutes thinking this dare over and
in the end thinks what the heck - ill take the dare, i need the
money anyway.
so he goes up to the gigantic man and knocks him out cold ,
one punch to the head. then he goes to the back of the bar opens
the door goes in, and closes it. for at least 30 minutes the
rest of the bar hears loud squealing and yelping from the
pitbull and moans and groans from the guy. Finally the guy comes
out looks at the bartender and says 'ok so wheres the old lady
with the gold tooth?'
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| Posted by candy gram on 14-Aug-2005 | Christmas ParrottA man walks into a pet store and tells the owner that he is
looking for a parrot that sings Christmas carols. The owner
tells him that he is in luck becuase they just got one in that
day. So the man asks to see it.
It is a beautiful bird, and the man is very excited, so he askes
how you get it to sing. "Oh that's simple," answers the shop
owner, "all you have to do is hold a lighter up to the bird's
body and it will sing different songs."
So the man gets out his lighter and holds it up to the birds
left wing and it sings "Jingle Bells", he is impressed. He then
holds it up to the right wing, and the bird starts to sing
"Frosty the Snowman", when the lighter got held up to the birds
stomach it started to sing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."
Finally the man holds the lighter up under the bird's tail, and
without a moments hesitation the parrot starts to sing "Chesnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire."
Ha Ha Ha you know you love it!! :)
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