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():funny quotes (263): Meditations on the Meaning of the Universe |
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| Posted by moo m. moo on 13-Aug-2005 | Meditations on the Meaning of the UniverseDouglas Adams: 'There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.'
Albert Einstein: 'Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.'
Unknown: 'Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.'
Edward P. Tryon: 'In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.'
Max Frisch: 'Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.'
Kilgore Trout: 'The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.'
Woody Allen: 'I'm astounded by people who want to `know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.'
Douglas Adams: 'In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.'
Carl Zwanzig: 'Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....'
Rich Cook: 'Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.'
Fred Hoyle: 'There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.'
Ray Bradbury: 'We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.'
Christopher Morley: 'My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.'
Edward Chilton: 'I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.'
Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes): 'The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.'
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| Posted by Nikki on 13-Aug-2005 | Quotes for the end of the worldAs the year 2000 rolls at us like the big ball after Indiana Jones, Allan Appel has compiled "A Portable Apocalypse: A Quotable Companion to the End of the World" (Riverhead Books, $12). Some highlights:
The world ended Sunday night -- at least on CBS. Some people were mad when they found out it wasn't true.
Tony Williams of WUSA after the airing of a TV movie filmed as a breaking news broadcast covering the crash of asteroids into Earth.
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Due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
-- sign hanging in office at Mt. Sinai Hospital, New York, 1995
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There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end: Bribery and corruption are common. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
-- from Assyrian tablet, 2800 B.C.E.
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Somehow the world never seems to end before your homework is due.
P.J. O'Rourke, "All the Trouble in the World"
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Due to the lack of experienced trumpeters, the End of the World has been postponed for three weeks.
-- sign hung in the U.S. House of Representatives, 1970
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Following a nuclear attack on the United States, the U.S. Postal Service plans to distribute Emergency Change of Address Cards.
-- directives from FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency), Executive Order #11490, 1969
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The Great Flood was sent because of the large numbers of dirty people.
-- from "The Pocket Book of Boners: An Omniubus of School Boy Howlers and Unconscious Humor"
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Society is heading for the Big Flush, and we're going to be the ones clinging to the rim while everything else goes down.
-- from the film "Survivors," written by Michael Leesan
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The human race is a pilot project that's failed: Denied future funding!
Belinda Plutz
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It turns out that the Maya simply walked away from their civilization nearly 1,000 years ago. Incidentally, they predicted that the world would end on Sunday, Dec. 23, 2012. Jot it down.
John J. O'Conner from "Ultimate Rerun: History," in the New York Times, July 1995
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I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was -- an arctic region covered with ice.
Steve Martin
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Life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
unknown
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():funny quotes (263): "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country." |
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| Posted by Andy Duraaaaaaaaaaaan on 09-Aug-2005 | "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country."Elayne Boosler
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():funny quotes (263): The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has
to do is get up every mo |
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| Posted by Samantha N. Czerepka on 09-Aug-2005 | The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has
to do is get up every moWill Rogers
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