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| Posted by Roxie R. Bass on 14-Aug-2005 | Men captured by IndiansThree guys are captured by Indians. Before they're to be skinned
to make canoes the Indians will grant them one last request. The
first guy asks for a T-Bone steak. So they get him a T-Bone
steak, skin him, and make him into a canoe.
They come to the second guy. He asks to watch a football
game. They arrange for him to watch a football game, skin him,
and make him into a canoe.
They come to the third guy and he asks for a fork. The
Indians think hes retarded or something but they finally give
him a fork. They ask him what he's gonna do with it. He
immediatley starts stabbing himself, screaming, "You're not
gonna make a canoe out of ME!!".
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| Posted by missa whowantstoknow on 14-Aug-2005 | KIDS SAY THE MOST HONEST THINGSWhen I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
three-year-old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"
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| Posted by sick on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 guys and a fruit farmerThere were once 3 guys named Bob, Joe, and Jack. They were all
walking through a field when they came across this sign that
said: THIS PROPERTY BELONGS TO A HOMICIDAL FRUIT FARMER.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE KILLED!
The 3 guys ignored it, thought it was just crap. They were
walking for a few more minutes when suddenly they heard a gun
shot, they all froze and saw this little farmer with a shot gun
running at them.
He yelled at them, "Didn't you see the damn sign?! Now I have to
kill all of you!"
The 3 guys were completely freaked.
"But I'll give you a chance," the farmer continued, "choose a
fruit and shove it up your ass, if you don't laugh I let you
live."
Bob went first, he had some cherries, he shoved them up his
butt, laughed and was immediately blown away.
Joe came up next with a n orange, shoved it up his butt, laughed
and was killed by the farmer.
The two guys meet in heaven. Joe asks Bob, "Why did you laugh?"
Bob replied, "It tickled, why did you laugh?"
"Well," Joe replied stiffling a giggle, "because I saw Jack
running up with a watermelon!"
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| Posted by yazziegurl on 14-Aug-2005 | When I Was Your Age
My uncle said, "How do you get to school?"
"By bus," I said. My uncle smiled.
"When I was your age, I walked barefoot a whole mile."
My uncle said, "How much weight can you lift?"
"Seven pounds," I replied. My uncle laughed.
"When I was your age, I could lift a calf."
"How many fights have you had?" my uncle asked.
"Two," I replied, "and I got whipped both times."
"When I was your age, I had four fights every day, and I was
never beaten."
My uncle asked, "How old are you?"
I said, "Seven and a half." My uncle huffed out his chest and
said, "When I was your age...
I was eight."
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| Posted by Max Willman on 14-Aug-2005 | Happy ButtOnce there was a girl. It was her first day in the 1st grade.
When she came in the teacher asked her what her name was. The
girl said Happy Butt. Well, the teacher was not very happy and
put the girl in time out. After her five minutes of time out the
teacher again asked her what her name really was. Again, the
girl answered "My name is Happy Butt.". So she said in time out
again. Five minutes later the teacher came up to her and said
"If you don't tell me your real name you will have to go to the
principal.". The girl still replied with Happy Butt. So, she
went to the principal. She waited for the principal to come and
talk to her. The principal came in, and asked her what her name
was. She said "My name is Happy Butt." The prinicipal said "If
you don't tell me the truth I will call your Mom." So the little
girl again responed "My name is Happy Butt." So, the principal
called the girl's mother. The prinicipal asked the girl's mom
what her name really was. The mother answered "Her name is
Gladice". So the principal said Thanks and hung up. Then, he
went to the little girl and said, "Your name is not Happy Butt,
it is Gladice." So the little girl said "Glad Ass, Happy Butt,
what's the difference?"
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| Posted by Noppong Suwanvet on 14-Aug-2005 | Genie in the LampOnce upon a time, a young man was walking along the shores of a
beach. As he was walking he happened to stumble upon a lamp.
"Oh!" he exclaimed, and reached down and picked it up. He
rubbed the lamp and a genie came out. "I will give you three
wishes" said the genie, "you may make them whenever you like".
The man was thrilled and replied, "I wish for a billion
dollars!" Poof! He had a suitcase full of money. "I wish for
100 cars!" Poof! He had one hundred Audis, Jags, and Porsches,
all in different colors. The man paused... "I think I'll make
my third wish later." The genie nodded and disappeared. Three
days later, the man was driving around in his blue Jag when
suddenly his favorite song came on the radio. By pure instinct
he began to sing along. "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mier
Weiner..." Poof! He turned into a hot dog!
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