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| Posted by Ben Dover on 09-Aug-2005 | mexians and lowriderQ: Why do Mexicans drive lowriders? A: So they can drive and pick lettuce at the same time.
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| Posted by Sex E. Babe on 09-Aug-2005 | VIRUS WARNING lol> > > >> WARNING, WARNING WARNING!! > > > >> > > > >> If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. > > Do > > > not > > > >> open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only > > erase > > > >> everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on > > disks > > > >> within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all > > your > > > >> credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the > > tracking > > > >> on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's > > you > > > >> attempt to play. > > > >> > > > >> If you drive a Ford, it will start missing like a Chevy. It will > > program > > > >> your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This > > > virus > > > >> will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your > > beer. > > > >> > > > >> For god's sake, are you listening? > > > >> > > > >> It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are > > expecting > > > >> company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with > > > >> Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind > > your > > > back > > > >> and billing your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors > > and > > > >> throw things in a way that is only fun when someone loses an eye. > > > >> > > > >> It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs > > to > > > >> passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings that > > grossly > > > >> change the interpretations of key sentences. > > > >> > > > >> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, > > it > > > >> will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in > > > >> dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the > > > forbidden > > > >> tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your > > skim > > > milk > > > >> with whole milk. > > > >> > > > >> PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN! > > > >> > > > >> If you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so > > hard > > > >> that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of > > you, > > > >> sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. > > > > > > >
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| Posted by eric yim on 09-Aug-2005 | Glass EyeA fella with a glass eye was at a party. Now he had quite a bit to drink. On one occassion his glass eye fell into his drink accidentally. He drank his drink without noticing. Three days after the party, his hangover was gone, but he still had an upset stomach. He went to see his doctor who examined him but couldn't figure out why the upset stomach. The doctor said ."
OK! One last examination left. Please drop your pants and bend over."
The fella does as he's told. The doctor couldn't believe what he was seeing. For there looking at him was an eye. The doctor calls, "Whats the matter! Don't you trust me?"
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| Posted by thezaniak on 09-Aug-2005 | Mahatma GhandiSurely you've heard of Mahatma Ghandi. He's known for being a mystical, peacefully suberb being. Due to his beliefs he has never worn shoes. And also due to his beliefs, he's a vegetarian, so he's always been frail and suffers from halitosis. So what does that leave you with?
A suberb calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
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| Posted by Maureen Miner on 09-Aug-2005 | What You In For?The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.
"Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too."
"Well, that's a relief."
sighed the stockbroker.
"I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading."
"Oh nothing fancy like that for me."
grinned the convict.
"I just killed a couple of priests."
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| Posted by Eddie P. Yeti on 09-Aug-2005 | Gypsy LoverA woman goes to the doctors, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."
The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.
"Well, what is it?"
he asks.
"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies, "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."
The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?"
The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually I have."
"That's the problem!" the doctor says, "Tell him his earrings aren't made of real gold......"
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