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| Posted by Dinesh SJ on 14-Aug-2005 | Michael IrvinMichael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.
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| Posted by Katiekate m. Star on 10-Aug-2005 | WitchcraftIn primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and
yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called
golf.
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| Posted by Derek Nastase on 10-Aug-2005 | MancunianQ: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
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| Posted by Nina! on 11-Aug-2005 | Dallas Cowboy put-downs galore!Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys
Q: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?
A: 22. The rest dressed themselves.
Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.
I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System".
Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year.
8 arrests, 8 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.
Q: What's the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.
A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
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| Posted by Mr Leafy on 12-Aug-2005 | Golf For SexA man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to
find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a
cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.
"A magic potion" she replies.
"Well what does it for" he asks. "This potion will make anyone an
excellent golfer."
At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is
agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his
sex life.
After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion.
He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of
golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He
spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every
course he manage to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After
a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the
witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk
to her.
"Well", she asks, "How has your game been?" "Great! This has been
the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and
never lost a game."
"And how about your sex life?" "Oh, not bad."
"Really? This stuff can really ruin a guys sex life. Say, how many
times did you have sex last year?" "Hmmmm, it was three, no, four
times."
"And you call that not bad?" "Not for a priest with a small parish."
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| Posted by Teresa Jeffries on 11-Aug-2005 | Drunk CheerleaderMichael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.
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