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| Posted by michelle someone on 13-Aug-2005 | Moose HuntingRoscoe and his friend went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally, they came up with what they hoped was a foolproof plan. They acquired a very authentic moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then jump out of the costume and shoot the bull.
Setting themselves upon the edge of a clearing in their costume, they began to give the moose "call o'love". Before too long their call was answered by a bull moose some distance away. They called again, and the bull answered from somewhere closer. Again they called, and again the bull answered. Soon he came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bull's pounding hoofbeats got closer, the friend in the front said, "O.K.! Lets get out and shoot him!"
After a moment that seemed like an eternity Roscoe who's in the rear half of the costume shouted, "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"
The friend in the front replied, "Well, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you better brace yourself."
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| Posted by Miles T. Cronin on 13-Aug-2005 | Going to jailThree convicts were on their way to prison; a mobster, a drunk, and a Texas Aggie. Each was allowed to take one item to help pass the time while incarcerated. On the bus, the drunk guy turned to the mobster and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The mobster pulled out a box of paints and explained that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the da Vinci of the prison system. Then he asked the drunk, "What did you bring?"
He then pulled out a deck of cards, grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The Aggie was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
Pulling out a box of tampons, he said with a smile, "I brought these."
Puzzled, the other two convicts asked, "What can you do with THOSE?"
Pointing to the box, he replied with a grin, "Well, according to the box, I can go horseback-riding, swimming, roller-skating..."
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| Posted by Zac C. Condie on 13-Aug-2005 | Hurts all overA young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" the doctor asked. "All over," the woman said.
"What do you mean, all over? Be more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "ow, that hurts. " Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too. " Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor observed her thoughtfully and said, "You have a broken finger."
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| Posted by El Wil on 13-Aug-2005 | The cowboy and the coffinOnce upon a time, a cowboy that was supposed to be the bravest cowboy in the west walked into a saloon. Some men near him, start talking, and finally walk up to him and ask him to prove that he really is the bravest cowboy in the west.
The cowboy agreed and asked what he had to do. Then the men told him that there was a haunted coffin upstairs, and if he could overcome the coffin, he would surely be the bravest cowboy in the west.
As the cowboy reached the top of the stairs, he saw the coffin coming near him. This was way too much for him to handle. He ran out of the saloon and jumped on his horse. After he had gotten a good distance from the saloon, he looked back and to his astonishment, the coffin was floating in the air coming straight towards him.
Soon the cowboy and his horse were surrounded by a tall canyon. The cowboy jumped off of his horse and ran towards one of the canyon walls, with the coffin floating even faster towards him. He tried to climb up the canyon's wall, but it was just too high. He turned to look at the coffin coming closer and closer. He knew this was going to be it.
Just then, as he thought there was no hope, and the coffin was so close he could touch it, he took out a package of cough drops, and the coffin' stopped!
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