|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by net master on 14-Aug-2005 | More Deep ThoughtsIf at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Father Ted on 14-Aug-2005 | Some time-honored truths1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other
people.
4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to
say it.
5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large
groups.
6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
7. I doubt, therefore I might be.
8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. A fool and his money are soon partying.
14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back
to?
16. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
19. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to
drown too?
20. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
21. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do
it?
22. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
23. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Rougewisp on 14-Aug-2005 | Doggy Quotesregarding Dogs...
"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
-Unknown
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
-Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead."
-Unknown
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in
case the need should arise for them to bark violently about nothing right
in your ear."
-Dave Barry
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down."
-Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
that's how dogs spend their lives."
-Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts
to bite people themselves."
-August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
-Fran Lebowitz
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a
grocery store with the most amazing haul-chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
-Anne Tyler
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult."
-Rita Rudner
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
-Joe Weinstein
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with
pets."
-Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful."
-Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
-Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fondest memories!"
-Dr. Tom Cat
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
-Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-Edward Abbey
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
like the dog did it."
-Unknown
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
tail."
-Unknown
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
does."
-Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself."
-Josh Billings
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-Holbrook Jackson
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-Andrew A. Rooney
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his
life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the
last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
-Unknown
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-Mark Twain
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-Smiley Blanton
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed
contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-John Steinbeck
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Candy Dee on 14-Aug-2005 | Knowledge and UnderwearKnowledge is like underwear. Everyone should have it, but there's no need
to show it off.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by bob pope on 14-Aug-2005 | Ain't That The Truth....We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and talk, and
the next fifteen years telling them to shut up and sit down.
The key to failure is trying to please everybody.
If you want people to remember you, owe them money.
If at first you don't succeed...skydiving is probably not for you.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by catherine chsksi on 14-Aug-2005 | Various quotesFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's
going to be up all night.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?"
I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line.
He caught every other fish.
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With
Pail...Kitten On Fire...
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!
My roomate got a pet elephant and lost it. It's in the room somewhere.
I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got
there.
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my
yard or I'll throw it at them.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
