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| Posted by Suck Balls on 10-Aug-2005 | More exerciseRecently overheard in a doctor's waiting room:
I used to watch golf on television, but the doctor said that I needed more
exercise - So, now I watch tennis.
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| Posted by Jo Mima on 10-Aug-2005 | NEW NASCAR RULES15) After each caution, the car will run the opposite way ... caution -
clockwise - caution - counter clockwise - caution - clockwise ... etc.
14) Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a passenger ... preferably a sumo
wrestler ... for extra weight.
13) Potty pit stops during a half time.
12) No more champagne in Victory Lane. A special Jeff Gordon whine will be
used.
11) The 'wider is better' Pontiac will be narrowed since NASCAR has
discovered the reason Pontiac widened the car was to accommodate Tony Stewart's
ego.
10) Races will be shortened to 7 laps so Darrel Waltrip can finish on the
lead lap on at least one of his final races.
9) There will be a 15 minute half time break so Benny Parson can get a snack
... better make it a 30 minutes.
8) Cars with handicapped plates shall pit in specially marked blue pit
stalls.
7) Depends Undergarments announced it will sponsor a car for the 2001
season. For the betterment of the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick Trickle to be named
the driver.
6) To ward off an approaching sexual discrimination lawsuit, NASCAR mandates
at least one member of each sexuality will be represented on each team ... Male,
Female and Kenny Irwin.
5) Top speed is out! The cars starting positions will depend on how pretty the
car is. If it's ugly they will vote on who gets provisional, the ugliest car
goes home.
4) To save the Inspectors time, Jeremy Mayfield's car will automatically fail
inspection each week and the team will be fined $25,000.
3) Mike Skinner will start backwards so when he spins he will be facing the
right direction.
2) The winner of a race will be determined by who picked the winner in NASCAR
ROCKS ... if no one picked a winner, straws will be drawn ... the straw draw
also holds true for second on back.
1) Because of Political Correctness, no discrimination against the handicapped
will be permitted. This shall be called the Kenny Irwin Rule.
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| Posted by Glor on 10-Aug-2005 | Tim in EuropeQ: What do you call a Tim in Europe after Xmas?
A: A tourist...
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| Posted by Logan Doughtie on 10-Aug-2005 | Laughing StockI'm glad to report that a new green and white Oxo Cube will be introduced
early next year. It will be called "Laughing Stock".
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| Posted by Cabnolen on 10-Aug-2005 | The bucket...Q: What's the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket...
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| Posted by Dan Sabo on 10-Aug-2005 | NTL sponsorshipThere's a rumor that after the NTL sponsorship expires, Celtic have lined up a
new sponsor - Tampax.
The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a
very bad period.
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