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():funny quotes (263): More pearls of wisdom


Posted by Victor Alway on 13-Aug-2005

More pearls of wisdom

Quotes:

1. Screwing up takes practice. I think I'm well rehearsed

2. Life's a bitch. Deal with it

3. (Actual refrigerator magnet): Genitorturers homogenized my honor student

4. Life is hard compared to what?!

5. Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes

6. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

7. He who thinks he can fly ends up with cracked skull

8. He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wakes up with smelly fingers

9. One of the top signs that Y2K hype has gone too far is that millions are converting to Judaism so the year is 5760

10. The Chinese calendar is 2000 years younger than the Jewish calendar. So that means the Jews had to go 2000 years without Chinese food.


   

2 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): We are ready for an unforeseen event that...


Posted by Dragonfire563 on 07-Aug-2005

We are ready for an unforeseen event that...

We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
- Dan Quayle, Former U.S. Vice-President

   

1 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): "Who ever thought up the word 'Mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my bre


Posted by Zohaib Fazal on 09-Aug-2005

"Who ever thought up the word 'Mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my bre

Jan King
   

2 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's...


Posted by Jocky on 07-Aug-2005

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
- J. Handy

   

1 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends."


Posted by sarah simone on 09-Aug-2005
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends."
Laurie Kuslansky
   

1 people have rated this joke:
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():funny quotes (263): "Some people say that I must be a horrible...


Posted by Alexandra M. Phillips on 07-Aug-2005
"Some people say that I must be a horrible...
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."

- Steven King

   

1 people have rated this joke:
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