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():sport jokes (950): Mother Nature and the Golfer


Posted by Aaron78102 on 13-Aug-2005

Mother Nature and the Golfer

Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!

"What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks.

"I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies the golfer.

"Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!"

The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience.

"What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him.

"I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about my friend over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!


   

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():sport jokes (950): Scottsman at a baseball game


Posted by RARA on 13-Aug-2005

Scottsman at a baseball game

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.

A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!"


   

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():sport jokes (950): Skiing Surprise


Posted by Jimmy T. Wuth on 13-Aug-2005

Skiing Surprise

A woman and her husband decided to go on a skiing trip one weekend. They rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and were preparing to go down. The woman suddenly announced that she needed to use the restroom, and NOW. Her husband told her that since the coast was clear, she could just hide behind a tree and go.

Well, the woman had her pants down around her ankles when she suddenly began going down the mountain. She hit a tree on the way down and broke her leg and her arm and had several other bumps and bruises.

When she awoke at the hospital, she was surprised to see another man who was dressed in a skiing outfit and also looked as if he had been in a skiing accident. The woman was very curious about this man, so she asked him what happen.

You'll never believe it, he told her. I was just skiing down the mountain, and a woman went by with her pants around her ankles, and I crashed into a bush.


   

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():sport jokes (950): Mets Fan


Posted by David Zielinski on 13-Aug-2005

Mets Fan

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a NY METS fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Met fans too.

Not really knowing what a METS fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a METS fan,"

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?"

"Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.

She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankee fans, and I'm a Yankee fan too,"

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be a METS fan."


   

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():sport jokes (950): Another Anthrax Scare


Posted by Katya V. Andrushchenko on 13-Aug-2005
Another Anthrax Scare
CORVALLIS, OREGON: Oregon State football practice was delayed yesterday for two hours.

One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach Dennis Erickson immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.


   

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():sport jokes (950): Basketball Fan


Posted by Jason Cox on 13-Aug-2005
Basketball Fan
An elementary teacher started at a new school in Los Angeles. Trying to make a good connection with the students on her first day, she told her class that she was a Lakers fan. She asked if anyone else here was a Lakers fan? Everyone in the class raised their hand except one little girl. The teacher looked at the little girl with surprise, and asked: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

Mary replied: "Because I'm not a Lakers fan!"

The teacher felt a little competitive and asked: "Well, if you're not a Lakers fan, then whom do you support?"

"I'm a Sonics fan, and proud of it!" Mary replied, folding her little arms across her chest.

"Mary, why are you a Sonics fan?"

"Because my Mom and dad are from Seattle and my Mom is a Sonics fan and my dad is a Sonics fan, so I'm a Sonics fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, knowing she was loosing it, "that's still no reason for you to be a Sonics fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?" As the words left he mouth, the teacher realized that if her new principal wasn't also a HUGE Lakers fan, that she may have ended her career right then and there. Trying to hide her shock at her own words, she stared at little Mary who stared back coldly.

With daggers of ice between each of her words, Mary said: "In that case I'd be a Blazers fan."


   

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