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| Posted by Donna on 09-Aug-2005 | Mowing The LawnA little Johnny was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer.
The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to discipline the child.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking, son?" he asked.
"Aw, that ain't no big deal", the kid said after taking a swig of beer. "I got a tattoo when I was three".
"What? How did that happen?"
"I don??™t remember. I was drunk!"
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| Posted by Answering machine jokes on 09-Aug-2005 | I Want A BikeLittle Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared.
He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror.
She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man."
Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed.
Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.
Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pyjamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike."
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| Posted by sexy mole on 09-Aug-2005 | Florida TripA little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap????
"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on grand dad's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl says, "Grandpa, will you please please please... make a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her granddad says, "Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
"Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!"
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| Posted by Rhino on 09-Aug-2005 | Can I've A Job?This kid walks into a general store one day and asks for a job.
The owner tells him that he doesn't need any help.
The kid is persistent so the guy tells him to watch him when the next customer comes in. If he can do what he does, he'll give him a job.
A few minutes later a customer comes in. "Good afternoon sir. What can I do for you?"
The guy says, "I need some grass seed."
So the owner goes and gets it. When he gets back he says, "How about a lawn mower to go with this."
"What do I need a lawn mower for?"
"Well when the grass grows your going to need something to cut it with."
"Yea, OK, I'll take a lawn mower too."
After the customer was gone, the owner turned to the kid and said, "That's how it's done. Can you do that?"
The kid said, "Sure."
So the next customer comes in and says, "I need some Tampax."
The kid says, "Yes sir.", and goes after them.
When he gets back he says, "Would you like a lawn mower to go with that?"
The guy says, "What the hell do I need a lawn mower for?"
The kid replies, "You might as well cut the grass. Your weekend is shot, that's for sure....."
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| Posted by Iain Delaney on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 Day WeekendOne day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?"
Again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black.
The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.
Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"
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| Posted by Jayne L. San Jose on 09-Aug-2005 | Tax?A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it.
He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up.
Then he decided, perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President for a joke.
The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington D.C. As usual they deducted what they thought was their share, I only ended up with $5.00
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