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| Posted by bethany on 09-Aug-2005 | My cookiesOne day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather.
Grandpa is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a sip.
"Can your dick touch your asshole?" replies the grandpa.
He says no, so the grandpa says "well, then you arent old enough yet to drink beer".
The little boy goes back to his grandparents house about a week later and is again sitting on the poarch with grandpa, and again asks if he can have a sip of grandpa's beer.
"Can your dick touch your asshole yet?" He says it still cant, so Grandpa say "Sorry, but youre still not old enough yet"
The little boy goes inside where grandma gives him a plate of fresh cookies. He goes back outside and Grandpa asks him if he can have one.
"Can YOUR dick touch YOUR asshole, Grandpa?"
"Sure can" says Grandpa.
"Well good for you, then go fuck yourself, cuz these are my cookies"
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| Posted by mega on 09-Aug-2005 | R is for RatA kindergarten teacher comes to class and says, "Today class I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter."
She begins with the letter "A" and all the kids raise their hands. There is one kid in the back named Johnny that is real eager to answer the question, but the teacher knows that he is always vulgar and likes to use obscenities so she chooses on little Mary to answer.
Mary stands and says, "A...Apple"
The teacher replies, "That's great, Mary, good job."
So she moves on to the letter "B", and again Johnny is still eager to answer the question, but the teacher is sure that he will probably say "Bitch" or something like that so she calls on Todd.
Todd says, "B...Baseball." And the teacher replies, "Good Job, Todd." So they start going through the alphabet and the class' attention dwindles, except for Johnny.
The teacher comes to the letter "R" and no one, except for Johnny, is raising their hand so she is forced to call on him.
"Okay Johnny, what starts with R?" she says.
"R...Rat" Johnny replies. "Rat, ...that's it...rat?"
"Yeah," says Johnny, "Big-ass mother-f#ckin' rat with a dick 12 inches long."
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| Posted by Po Lai on 10-Aug-2005 | Control YourselfA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her
cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and
her mother said to her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and
fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Brenda, we just have five of the aisles
left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for
candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said,
"there, there, Brenda, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be
checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to
clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no
gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Brenda, just control yourself, we'll
be through this check out stand in 5 minutes."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to
compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little
Brenda," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Brenda - my little girl's name is Ashley."
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| Posted by Softballbabe on 11-Aug-2005 | CornflakesLittle Timmy and Little Bobby go to visit their grandmother in the country. They've been brought up in a fairly ill-disciplined household and are prone to swear quite a bit. Anyway after about a solid week of cursing and swearing their grandmother can't take it anymore and goes to see her friend Maude and get some advice. "What can I do about them swearing?" says the grandmother, "As far as I'm concerned there is only really one thing you can do," says Maude, "next time they swear just hit 'em good and hard and they won't do it again." "I can't do that!" says grandma, shocked at the thought, "they're my grandchildren!" "Look," says Maude, "It'll teach 'em a good lesson mark my words." Anyway Grandma leaves and goes home. The next morning Timmy and Bobby go downstairs to have breakfast. Grandma says to Bobby, "And what would you like for breakfast?" To which Bobby replies," Give me some of them Fucking cornflakes!" Grandma lashes out with this big swing and knocks Bobby clean out of his chair. He sits on the ground looking shocked at his grandma. Next Grandma turns to Timmy," and what would you like for breakfast little Timmy?" Timmy looks at his brother and then back to his grandmother and says, "I don't know but you can bet your sweet arse it won't be fucking cornflakes!!"
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| Posted by Chantise J. hunt on 11-Aug-2005 | BicycleA Kid was walking to the bathroom, when he saw through the slightly open door, his mother was in there. She was buck naked and looking into the mirror while rubbing her breasts and moaning "I want a man. I NEED a man!".
The next day, the same thing happens: the kid is about to enter the bathroom and sees his mother rubbing her naked body in front of the mirror "I want a man. I NEED a man"
But the next day, when the kid is on the way to the bathroom, his passes his mother's bedroom, where some guy is humping her while she screams "I got a man, OH GOD, I got a man!!".
The kid immediately runs to the bathroom, stripping off his clothes on the way, then stands in front of the mirror rubbing his body saying "I want a bicycle. I NEED a bicycle!"....
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| Posted by Javier on 13-Aug-2005 | Kids Letters to GodDear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? -Billy
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry
Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Love Mickey
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan
Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane
Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison
Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy
Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita
Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD,
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. -Darla
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before-- you can look it up. -Bruce
Dear GOD,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. -Denise
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam
Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. -Dean
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth
Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. -Elliott
Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. -your friend, Rob
Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born again, but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? -Marsha
Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. -Love, Chris
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. -Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. -Katie
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