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| Posted by Alex Rodriguez on 10-Aug-2005 | NASCARWhat does NASCAR stand for?
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
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| Posted by Ashlyn on 10-Aug-2005 | The Deaf Mute GolferA man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his
shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I play
through, please?"
The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that "No, he may
NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right."
The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with
a golf ball, laying him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute
sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.
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| Posted by Josh P. on 10-Aug-2005 | True Confessions Of A GolferA man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel
absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go
over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and
fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and
grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again.
"Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came
down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his
claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the
green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes,
careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and
stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the %#$*& putt, didn't you?" sighed the priest.
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| Posted by LUSHLEY on 10-Aug-2005 | The Strength Of 100 MenBefore the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said,
"Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a
match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get
you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The wrestler nodded in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several
times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward,
grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his
face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised
his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back
hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him,
getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he
asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that
hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right
in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of
strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.
You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"
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| Posted by Wes Bundy on 10-Aug-2005 | Who Is?In Texas, coach Barry Switzer is upset on how the Cowboys played after the
season. They were not a good football team. He did not know what the secret was
to have a good team, so he goes to California where he finds coach Steve
Mariucci.
He asks Mariucci "What is the secret to having a good football
team?" Steve calls quarterback Steve Young over.
He asks Young "What is your father's brother's nephew?" Steve answers "That is
me, of course." Mariucci says "Barry, that is the secret to having a good
football team. You got to have a smart quarterback." Barry thanks Mariucci and
goes back to Texas.
Before football practice, Barry calls Troy Aikman over. He asks "What is your
father's brother's nephew?" Troy thinks about it and asks "Can you give me until
the end of practice?" Barry is disappointed at this time but says "Ok." During
practice, Troy goes over to Deion Sanders and asks "What is your father's
bother's nephew?" Deion answers "That is me, of course." After practice, Troy
went back to Barry and says "Barry, I know who my father's brother's nephew is!
Do you want me to tell you." Barry says "Yes! Who is he!" Troy answers "Deion
Sanders." Barry yells "NO, NO, NO you idiot! It is Steve Young!"
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| Posted by Hey_baby_:) on 10-Aug-2005 | Forty pounds"I caught a twenty pound salmon last week."
"Were there any witnesses?"
"There sure were. If there weren't, it would have been forty pounds."
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