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| Posted by Alex Rodriguez on 10-Aug-2005 | NASCARWhat does NASCAR stand for?
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
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| Posted by Scott D. Willson on 10-Aug-2005 | Baseball Heaven?Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and
talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do
you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal:
if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and
if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day
soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he
hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
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| Posted by Shania on 10-Aug-2005 | Rules for Bedroom Golf1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club
and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the
balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners
are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to
the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the
course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in
being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire
the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are
currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners
have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else
playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some
players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under
repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More
advanced players will find alternative means of play
when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around
the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the
hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at
a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request. (Course time
is Four to Five Hours)
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
same hole several times in one match.
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| Posted by chris d. delis on 10-Aug-2005 | Forgive Me, FatherThis man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he
used the "F-word" over the weekend. The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three
Hail Marys and try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word".
The priest sighs and tells him to continue. Well father I played golf on Sunday
with my buddies instead of going to church. The priest says, "And you got upset
over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the
first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said,
"And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No,
it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce
and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a
squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest asked,
"Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in
its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying
squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the f***ing putt!!!"
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| Posted by al -. harvey on 10-Aug-2005 | Green Bay Packer FanA Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until
he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to
it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since
the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and
said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to
and enjoy the game together. "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the
funeral."
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| Posted by Gemma M. Holmes on 10-Aug-2005 | Fishing LureA couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten
track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through
the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands
on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid
fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of
rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't
have one."
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