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| Posted by _Clio_ on 08-Aug-2005 | Naughty legal phrasesTop Ten Legal Phrases That Sound Dirtier Than They Really Are:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
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| Posted by Tar on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.
6. No warm blood for miles around DC.
5. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.
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| Posted by Suki on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment4. Honor thy SysOp.
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| Posted by Matt Der on 08-Aug-2005 | How Chinese People name their kidsHow do chinese people name their kids?
Throw a fork at the wall and name their kid after the sound.
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| Posted by Michael Gailling on 14-Aug-2005 | Only in America...Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
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| Posted by Krystal on 14-Aug-2005 | You Know You're Having a Bad Day When - Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
- You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
- You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
- Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
- The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
- You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
- The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
- People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
- When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
- You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
- You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
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