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| Posted by _Clio_ on 08-Aug-2005 | Naughty legal phrasesTop Ten Legal Phrases That Sound Dirtier Than They Really Are:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
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| Posted by Krystal on 14-Aug-2005 | You Know You're Having a Bad Day When - Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
- You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
- You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
- Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
- The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
- You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
- The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
- People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
- When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
- You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
- You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Liabilities of Having Leonardo DiCaprio's Looks |
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| Posted by CH_2005 on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Liabilities of Having Leonardo DiCaprio's Looks14> All those people who expect you to look good AND contribute to society in some way.
13> If you try to start a fight, women giggle and say, "He's sooooo cute!", while men merely giggle and kick your ass.
12> You look in the mirror and all that money doesn't matter -- you just wish you had a chest.
11> You're forced to sit at a card table with that kid from "Jerry McGuire" at the Oscar party.
10> Nearly impossible for the people at your campaign rally to concentrate on your flat tax plan.
9> You're constantly being mistaken for one of the Hansons.
8> Having to get all those restraining orders against Michael Jackson.
7> Sure it's great being prettier than Clare Danes, but you'd trade that in a second for her larger penis.
6> Your chances of a wet, sloppy kiss from a drunken James Cameron have never been higher.
5> While you like your sex partners to be vocal, screaming "I'm having sex with Leonardo DiCaprio!" isn't what you had in mind.
4> Though it was fun at first, all this "pretty boy" shit is really starting to creep you out.
3> Women constantly slipping scented silk panties into your lunch sack, making your veggies taste like "Obsession."
2> Bob DeNiro keeps slapping the back of your head, saying, "Grow up already!"
1> People are so stunned by your mesmerizing facial features that they overlook the incredible God-given beauty of your ass.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@topfive.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Tar on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"
10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.
6. No warm blood for miles around DC.
5. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.
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| Posted by Suki on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment4. Honor thy SysOp.
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| Posted by Cher_94 on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
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